Something about Privacy
Pen and paper journal writing…
Ah! The immediate gratification I feel when I post an online entry! Look world! Look at what I am thinking of and about. Look world! Look at what I have learned, here on my path. Look world! I am a self proclaimed witty, clever, humorous and thoughtful human being. Look world! Look!
I do. I feel immediate gratification when I post a writing of mine online. And you know what else? THIS IS OKAY. I enjoy sharing my thoughts, my beliefs and my writing style online. (My writing style, meaning that I write as if you are in front of me and I am just babbling my thoughts.)
I enjoy how the computer keyboard clicks underneath my fingertips as I type away! I enjoy looking at the screen (for short periods of time) and witnessing the map of my thoughts. I enjoy seeing my words finely printed in a fine format that this site can offer me. I enjoy it, oh yes I do!
For the past 2 days, I have been journal writing. You know, kicking back old school (skool, is kool), I have my journal, my pen, my handwriting, and my private thoughts laid out on a page. Yet, it dawned on me this morning, at dawn, that not too much of me stays private when it comes to my writing. I want to share it with the world. The world of the Internet. I would like to imagine folks sitting down with their beverage of choice and choosing to read something I have written. I imagine them nodding their heads in agreement to my random thoughts and philosophies of life. “Oh wow! I never thought of it like that!” they say to themselves. I mean, why not post my thoughts for others to see?
Journal writing is awesome. Don’t get me wrong. Yet, I have learned in my two days that for myself, journal writing is for my very private thoughts. Turns out, I don’t really have any REALLY private thoughts. My private thoughts stay in my head, actually, and just dissipate into the next thought. I am pretty much willing to share anything, and everything when I sit down to write.
I imagined myself writing in my handwritten journal that I would sit like Virginia Wolf. There with a pen, in my chair, staring up into the sky with profound thought. I would then proceed to write these profound thoughts into a book. I imagined myself being a mysterious, creative genius with a secret about to be told. Turns out, my back hurt from hunching over my journal, my handwriting was not pleasant, and I am not that much of a mystery. What you see is what you get. Turns out, that me being willing to be who I am and share it, that is my genius. Turns out, I am nothing like Virginia Wolf, but I am everything like myself.
I will continue to jot down some notes in my cool journal, yet truthfully, I enjoy posting my random thoughts in time online. Trust me, it is not for the “claps”, seeing I have received simply one “clap” here and there for my pieces. (Thank you Michelle). I will just go ahead and pat myself on my own back for my pieces. Plus, I enjoy having a reason to get to the library to print pieces that I have written online. It is free to print them out and I can check out a movie while I am there. Also the local library has hole punchers, staplers, books (whoa), free internet, audio books, and free magazines to look at. Sometimes, I bring my guitar with me too, and play music outside the library. The library is awesome and I have fear that they will go away someday.
So yes, I wanted to be cool and mysterious and write in my journal, as opposed to writing online. Oh the characters I sometimes play in my own movie. I will simply play the role of myself.
Just for today, I will be who I am. I may not be that mysterious person with haunting thoughts, sitting in a chair, with their pen in hand. I am just me, sitting at my desk with my old laptop. I just have one question left to ask.
Do you think Virginia Wolf would have posted her pieces to the Internet if they existed in her time of existence? Huh, I wonder and we will never truly know the answer to that.
Sincerely,
Nix


