‘It’s hard to pick up the pieces when you have nothing’

Philip, 57, was released from prison July 3. Previously profiled this semester, we’re checking in with Philip to see how he’s working on righting previous wrongs, and talking with him about how difficult it’s been to rebuild his life from scratch.

Philip: I was an elevator mechanic for 31 years, making $65/hour before benefits with unlimited overtime, and I blew it.

Stephanie Cubias: Can you talk about your arrest?

P: I was on painkillers and anxiety medication when I got pulled over. The police searched the car and found Xanax pills on me that I had taken out of the bottle. That broke a federal law, and I spent four years in jail for it. They made it look like I was a dealer and charged me with intent to distribute.

SC: Were you able to work while incarcerated?

P: Yeah, I was during menial labor as part of the prison work program.

SC: How were the work programs in prison?

P: I did landscaping and janitorial work for eight hours a day making $1.65. It wasn’t a lot, but it did pass the time and I was out of the cell. Not everyone is allowed to work; you are categorized by the severity of your offense. I had a drug charge and had no history of violent so they let me. Since I had the minimum security I had access to most of the prison, even the offices.

SC: What have you been up to since getting out of prison?

P: I’ve been volunteering at the soup kitchen to show that I’m staying out of trouble and doing good. I was finally able to get an apartment, after being denied five other apartments because of my record. It was my first priority when I was released. Now, I’m working on getting my driver’s license back, and I take the road test in three months. I’m trying to pay off my fines and surcharges, but it’s hard and I can’t get out of the mess that I’m in.

SC: What has been the most difficult part of your re-entry process?

P: My life has been completely destroyed. Once I was release I went right into homelessness and was living in a shelter for months. I have PTSD from the things I saw and experienced in prison. You’re constantly having to protect yourself and your belongings, not just from the prisoners, but the guards as well.

My kids don’t talk to me, I’m a convict. They’re grown, with kids of their own so I could never ask them for help. I have to fix my life before I can fix my relationship with them.

Prison broke me mentally, it doesn’t make you better. It makes you worse, and I don’t know if I can put myself back together.

SC: How did incarceration hinder your financial situation?

I owe about $8,000 in fines, and with my elevator inspector license revoked I can’t work as a mechanic right now. Before going to jail I paid a lawyer $5,000 to represent me, and he never showed up to a single court hearing. Then there was a $117 processing fee to go to the county jail; that was on top of the fees I had from the drug charge. While in prison you had to pay $5 to see a doctor and another five if you needed medication. Unless you have money on the books, you’ll never be able to use the services they have. The little money you make while in prison is used to pay off your fines. My chances of clearly my debt seem hopeless.

SC: Did you seek any services to help you?

P: Yeah, I’ve been to a bunch of programs that work with felons to get their life back on track. My first priority when I got out was finding a place to live, and now that I got that I’m going to counseling to get my head straight.

SC: How useful were these services for you?

P: NeighborCorps, a re-entry service that helps with employment and housing. I applied to five different apartment complexes and was denied for each, until NeighborCorps a wrote recommendation to the sixth apartment I applied to and I got accepted. They’re even helping me get my driver’s license. Now that I got an apartment I’m focusing on getting my head right from the trauma I experienced. The government gave me a grant to get the psychiatric help I need at the the New Brunswick Counseling Center three times a week, so I don’t go back to my old ways. One-Stop Career Center, the Social Services’ center for unemployment, gave me a list of felon friendly jobs that I’ve applied to, but I haven’t had any luck yet.

SC: Where have you applied?

P: I applied to a warehouse, a bread factory, a donut factory, a parking garage, a general contractor, a fast food place, two gas stations, two supermarkets, but I was denied from all of them. Most of them were honest and told me they wouldn’t hire me because of my record. The two months that I was in the shelter I was holding up signs on the highway, but it was only on Saturdays and Sundays. A guy would come to the shelter and pick out five people that wanted to work no matter what the weather was like — rain, snow, or shine. He would take you to Philadelphia to hold signs up for eight hours making $60/day.

SC: What’s the next step for you?

P: Right now the Division of Vocational Rehabilitation is helping me get my elevator inspector license. I, ultimately, want to go to my previous job, but I need to get right with myself and it’s time for me to pick up the pieces.