‘You have to keep forging ahead’

Mica Williams*, 44, is a hard-working single mother who prides herself on her independent attitude and can-do mentality. By the age of 23, she supported three kids on her own while simultaneously taking college classes and working. Throughout her life, she always identified as a caretaker and provider. However, an unexpected run-in with the law landed the mother of three in jail for roughly seven months, an experience that impacted her mental health and self-image.

Taylor Davis: Where are you originally from?

Mica Williams: Originally, I was born in Youngstown, Ohio, but I moved to New Jersey when I was 12.

TD: What was your childhood like?

MW: It was normal. I lived with my mom. I had five brothers and sisters. So, there was six of us, like the Brady Bunch. My mom worked a lot. She got divorced, so it was just us. But we had a house, yard, garden. And then she lost her job when I was 11. And that’s how we ended up in New Jersey. I lived here from 12 on. Basically, my childhood was mostly in New Jersey. And it was fine. I grew up in an urban area right here in New Brunswick.”

TD: From my understanding you spent some time at Middlesex County Jail. What was the reason? How much time did you spend there?

MW: Last year, March 3, I was there for 211 days, about 7 months. My older son got into trouble and in the process of that they put a warrant for me for hindering apprehension.

TD: How would you describe your experience at the Middlesex County Jail?

MW: For me it was a life-changing experience. It was unbelievable. The women are very confined because it’s predominantly a male jail. Basically, they can’t leave out of it. The men are able to move around a little bit more.

It was hard. I was quiet a lot; I didn’t talk much to anybody. I prayed a lot. I met a few people that ended up coming to me to help them get through. Even though it was my first time ever being in there I didn’t break down. I could not cry. I was literally numb to the situation. Some of the people who were in there thought I was this strong lady. I became the lady that people would come talk to.

I’m grateful. I saw people who literally lost it and tried to kill themselves. One girl tried to hang herself. That broke my heart because they were like my children’s age.

I know that you have to pay for what you’ve done. But at the same time they don’t deal with your mental state. They’ll just prescribe them these things to make them high. And these people knew that, so some of them that didn’t need it were taking it to get high. And the jail doesn’t have enough programs to deal with the women who are really struggling with mental illness. They’ll just give you a pill. And that’s it. Not really dealing with the core of what’s really wrong with you.

It was hard for me to see that happening because it continually happened. They didn’t care. And honestly I feel like they were less caring for the women.

TD: What type of access did you have to physical and mental health resources while incarcerated?

MW: I never felt like I truly needed any mental [care]. And I feel like if I needed it in there I wouldn’t have gotten it in there because they would have sent me to a woman to prescribe me with some kind of medication. Not really to get the core of speaking to what me being locked up in a cell, how that really made me feel. I don’t need a pill. I just need someone to talk to. And I don’t think that was addressed. I feel like you can’t get that in there.

They have medical in there. I took the medicine I was taking at home. And then they prescribed that.

TD: What was the most stressful part about re-entry into society? How did that stress impact your health?

MW: Re-entering was unexpected. I didn’t know I was coming home. I came home to nothing. The hardest part coming back home was dealing with the fact that my daughter and my son and my mom and my sister were paying my bills. I appreciated them, but it was so difficult because it’s hard for me to ask for help. I’ve always been able to get up and get what I need to get done. That hurt me that I had to look at my family and I would be at home every day not having a job. My daughter, who graduated from Rutgers, worked two jobs. She shouldn’t be doing that. My youngest son had to stop taking classes at Middlesex County College to work in a factory job because he had to help me pay my bills. My mom is retired from Rutgers, and her retirement check is paying all the stuff that my daughter and my other son can’t pay. My sister is giving me money because I don’t have money.

We are a very small but strong family. It’s not an issue for them. But it’s an issue for me because I never thought this could happen to me. Once they let me out, I’m like I’m out. But then I realized I don’t have a job, I don’t have an income. And then I was denied unemployment because I worked for the city and they said it was my fault that I got locked up. So I couldn’t get any unemployment. I had to take any job. I got out September 29. I just found a found a job January 29.

TD: What has helped you cope through your re-entry? What has been a source of strength?

MW: The source of strength is my family. I found a spirituality in me that I didn’t have before, and so that also helps me get through the day.

TD: What advice would you give other people who are re-entering into society after being incarcerated?

MW: It’s gonna be hard. But you can’t give up or give in. You have to keep forging ahead.

*The name of the subject has been altered for confidentiality. 