Handle Tension
We recognize conflict is natural to the process of creative collaboration. In fact, sometimes the best ideas come when we challenge each other.
Mindsets
What are the agreed perspectives we hold for handling tension?
Use conflict as an opportunity to learn because it helps us stay receptive to change, adaptive, and open. Mutual respect is key. Understand that creative process tension is different that personal tension between teammates.
Habits
What habits nurture how we handle tension?
INDIVIDUALLY
Regular reflection time to help clarify our internal thoughts and motivations
If you’re feeling tension, there are a number of ways to check it out.
First step is to notice that tension is there.
Step two is to understand it. Many of us meditate here, do Yoga, run, or other physical activities — which provide an opportunity to rejuvenate — to focus on something else. This alternative focus yields useful hormones, and causes your subconscious to surface what’s really going on.
If the tension is in the way of getting anything done, go for a walk, talk to a fellow New Kinder, or simply give yourself a break. With the work we do, this type of break is crucial for being able to perform continuously.
If the tension is tough to relieve, talk to someone who can help you take action. Ask a partner or a director to listen and help you work through it.
Frame tense conversations as opportunities for growth and reflection, relationship building, and creative inspiration
Everyone at New Kind has big ambitions, and is used to stretching to test their abilities. That means we will each struggle with things from time-to-time. The goal is to not beat yourself up when a struggle occurs, but to trust in your own ability to learn and work through it.
There are two types of mindsets (based on Carol Dweck’s research) — 1) fixed: where you believe your abilities, like intelligence, are fixed traits that don’t change); and 2) growth: where you believe your abilities are continuously growing through hard work.
We each aspire to have a growth mindset, where we view tension as the momentary friction on the way to discovery and learning. Sometimes it’s really helpful to have a coach or colleague to help you focus on what there is to learn from and explore.
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2 PEOPLE
When a teammate isn’t meeting your expectations, talk about it immediately, so you can course-correct
Say it clearly, simply, directly, and with a smile
We’ve been through Crucial Conversation training, which helps to clarify communication between two people. Check out the book on the bookshelf, or talk to any New Kinder about it.
A key thing to remember here, if you want to grow strong relationships, is to remember your own opinion about what’s going on isn’t necessarily the 100% truth. It’s an interpretation, a story, and the person you’re feeling tension with has an interpretation as well.
It’s most productive to create a conversational space where you share your story of how you see it, what it’s making you feel, while completely taking responsibility for it. Then honestly give the other person the benefit of the doubt, ask them for how they see it. This will help you surface the emotions, the areas of mismatched interpretations, and yield an opportunity to address the source of the tension.
If you’re scared to bring something up, than it’s important to have the courage to talk with a New Kinder about it. Choose a partner or director that you’re most comfortable talking to.
This type of conversation is so nuanced, we can’t possibly give it justice in this short post — so take a look at the book, and talk to a partner or director about how to approach the conversation.
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3+ PEOPLE
Create space for open dialogue with conditions for trust
Building on everything before this… When tension exists in the group, it’s important to call it out. To simply say — “I’m feeling some tension here, I think it’s because of xyz, do you guys feel it to? Or is it just me?”
This gives an opportunity to talk about whatever is at play, whether it’s the usual creative tension of a project, or some other interpersonal dynamic going on, or something completely unrelated to what’s happening.
If it ever feels like there’s an elephant in the room, but no one’s talking about it, be the one who shines the spotlight on the elephant.
Create a sense of confidentiality in a small office
We’re open internally with client and New Kind information — because we believe that each person affected by information should know it and be able to use it to guide their actions. Of course that means there are confidential things that we know. About each other, our own business, and our client’s business as well. We don’t gossip here, and it’s big deal to talk to others about confidential information. Don’t do it. If you’re unsure if something is confidential, ask.
Remember the highest intentions and aspirations that the entire group shares, and be willing to consider others’ points of view and ask for them
This goes back to Crucial Conversations, remembering that each of us has an opinion of what’s going on, a story, and it’s important to gather stories from each of the people being affected. Create a safe space, and with projects, we often design activities that surface tension in constructive ways.
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GAPS
How can we work on trust building regularly?
Being transparent with each other about projects and tension is the only way to build trust and confidence that we’ll get through it constructively. Do this through talks with colleagues or your monthly partner conversations.
