26 Ways to Drive Women Crazy

American men have never had it better. The intersection of capitalism and patriarchy has really set them up for success and power. Despite this, there’s one thing men always need help with: driving ladies crazy.

Here are some tips on how men can make the women in their lives go crazy.

1. If you think she’s smart, make sure you tell her she’s beautiful first.
2. If she’s walking down the street dour AF, you should ask her to smile. :)
3. Check in on her biological clock if she hasn’t had kids yet.
4. Ask her why she’s marching against Trump.
5. Whisper “snowflake” in her ear when she tells you why she marched.
6. In an important conversation, check your phone while she’s talking.
7. Interrupt her in a meeting to help her explain whatever she’s talking about (although you weren’t listening anyways).
8. If she’s mad, defuse a fight by asking if she is due for her period soon.
9. If she’s still single, try to figure out why a man hasn’t chosen her yet.
10. Dick pic in the first few days, son.
11. Remind her that men have rights too if she wants to have an abortion.
12. Make sure you let her know if she is being crazy.
13. Always remind her if you think her moods are emotional and erratic.
14. If she’s under 50, she’s a girl — not a woman.
15. Make her work a little harder than you for a promotion.
16. Remind her that she’s talking a lot.
17. Make sure she knows her pregnancy can really impact a company or team.
18. Be generous and give her a day or two off after she gives birth.
19. If you see men hanging out with their kids, make sure you reward them for doing someone else’s job.
20. Is she into cool shit? Call her a tomboy.
21. Ask to speak to her manager before she’s done talking.
22. She carrying books? Ask her when she’s going to meet Mr. Right and get her MRS degree.
23. Continue to uphold the false assumption that capitalism and democracy allow women to participate equally and that they have bargaining rights just like you.
24. Make sure you explain to her that democracy and capitalism have no inherent bias and she has to work hard to succeed in America. That’s why she doesn’t feel successful; she’s not working hard enough.
25. Ask her if she’s a communist if she starts talking about equality or feminism.
26. Thoroughly explain why gender and sex really don’t matter if you have the right attitude.

If you are looking for more ways to drive women crazy:
The Effects of Sexual Objectification on Women’s Mental Health
Sexism Affects Women’s Mental Health, So Maybe It’s Time To Stop Normalizing It
The Bell Jar
Sister Citizen