Beware the Universal Cat Distribution Algorithm
If This Is My Cat, Who TF is This?
Stories of cats breaking into people’s lives
I am convinced that there is a universal cat distribution system that sends people cats when they need them. I keep meeting people who had no intention of owning a cat. The next thing they know, a cat has moved into their home, demanding attention, consuming resources, and controlling their actions.
I have been gathering and studying the intricacies of this universal system. There are four fundamental ways the process uses to insert a cat into your life.
1. You Cannot Afford A Cat
A friend of mine was going through a horrific divorce. He married a wealthy woman. She cheated on him. He had signed a prenup. She put him out after five years with much less than he started with. Six months later, he lived in a dump apartment, very depressed, drinking too much, not showering. He wrapped himself in his job and barely ate when a tiny, scrawny black and white tuxedo kitten ran under his car at a grocery store.
He tried to coax the cat from under his car but had no luck. When he opened the door to put the groceries in, the kitten jumped in his car. When he got in the car, the thing crawled into his…
