Don’t call me, I’ll call you
Republican Women Want to Talk About My Choochie
And I have a lot to say
I want Republican women to stop calling me about my vijay-jay.
They keep calling me to “get my opinion on abortion and contraception.” I know they are Republican as they are always from some insane-sounding organization like Women For the Fair Treatment of Oranges at Breakfast.
When they call, I listen to their spiel then ask them a few questions.
“What is your plan for my kitty-cat?” I ask.
There is shocked silence on the phone.
“Are you against contraception that physically goes into my body, like IUDs or chemical rings? I find the rings particularly slippery to put on — how about you?”
“And when you get an IUD, don’t you hate that “pinch” that hurts like a son of a bitch. I worry that while I am being dicked down the poor guy will get poked way down there.”
More silence.
“What do you think about the chemical gel you can stick all the way up in there to sabotage the little sperms? The downside is after you have that stuff everywhere, once you finish. My hot box does not like that sticky, icky feeling.
