Photo of a peanut butter and jam sandwich on a white plate just before the slices of bread have been put together, by Freddie G via Unsplash.

A Peanut Butter Lover’s Lament

Ré Harris
Aug 17, 2019 · 2 min read

Something’s gone wrong with peanuts.
The internet won’t tell me why.
The industry must think I’ll never know.
That this problem will slip right by.

But connoisseurs don’t gulp food down.
One rolls flavors on the tongue.
A peanut butter experience ought to be rich.
Instead, peanut lovers are getting stung.

I found the perfect brand a few years ago.
A flavor, smooth, complex, and deep.
Like a ton of peanuts packed into a jar.
It was the natural, organic one to keep.

Then suddenly, though the consistency was there,
my taste buds cried: Watery! Wrong!
How had an exquisite symphony,
become a half-baked, auto-tuned song?

I know this vegetarian could find other proteins.
No one needs to tell me thrice.
And many people can’t eat peanuts at all.
I shouldn’t consider mine a huge sacrifice.

Still, I tried the 365 Whole Foods brand.
Not organic, but to my great surprise...
lots of flavor packed in a jar much cheaper.
My favorite sandwich, once again, a sweet prize.

Now the expiration date brings the ick factor back.
5/5/20, the culprit, when 5/4/20 was fine.
Weird blandness. Odd flavor notes —
and I only ever buy the simple, self-stir kind!

So it’s come time for me to move on.
Could I bear to be disappointed once more?
The other nut butters are much too dear.
When I see the prices, I just get sore.

A consumer’s perception, of course, is key.
Argue with mine, but hey, coffee types are a thing.
Won’t someone enlighten my exasperated taste buds?
Have substandard peanuts taken the ring?!

poetry that dares to be funny, edgy, irreverent

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