Some Sides With My Vaccine, Please

Prompted by Mary Holden’s report card, “Pandemic: F

Harper Thorpe
Feb 26 · 2 min read
Photo by Daniel Schludi on Unsplash

We decided to get the COVID vaccine.
Nothing I say here is meant to demean
the folks predicting it’d be our demise —
though same group told hydrochloroquine lies.

The things that we read were hard to believe,
our thinking, it’s easy some folks to deceive.
Stories of autism, vaccine induced,
my wife’s fear, a side of testosterone boost.

But now to get scheduled for Pfizer dose one.
Since we are “of age,” thought it easily done.
Signed-up for appointments, got on the wait list,
but if you weren’t fast on your keyboard, you missed

the next open time to get choice-of-arm poked.
It’s fin’ly my turn, we’re surprised the nurse joked
about side effects, whew — did not include death.
With syringe glee on her face, I held my breath.

This very hot nurse offered me a blindfold,
my thoughts roamed to kinky, she’ll cuff me then scold
me. Wait — this room had about thirty stations.
Too vaccine busy for Dom-sub relations.

Decided to look away so not to see
Nurse Kinky Boots about to stick it to me.
The needle went in and out ’fore I could say,
“Damn, sweetheart, what say you-n-me run away?”

Lucky those words just thoughts, never were said,
my wife now beside me was shaking her head.
Again, I am busted for being a flirt,
“For shots in the arm, you don’t take off your shirt!”

I gotta think fast as I button the front.
“At your age, it’s time that you give up the hunt!”
“ .. misjudging me, Dear, it’s for science I troll,
those vaccine implants — I’m in Bill Gates’ control.”

I’m thinking she bought it, my Bill Gates excuse.
Then outside the clinic, such words she let loose.
But she’s cursing me — not, though her language porny,
turns out vaccine side effects made my wife horny.

So as you consider a COVID vaccine,
know it’s a sure path to escape quarantine.
This story ’bout side effects, some of them wild,
I’ll admit they’re not true, but I hope that you smiled!

©2021 HHThorpe. All rights reserved.

Please checkout Mary Holden’s report card as a list poem, “Pandemic: F

And now, The Chainsmokers sing “Side Effects” … Enjoy!

No Crime in Rhymin’

poetry that dares to be funny, edgy, irreverent

Harper Thorpe

Written by

Engaged citizen, poet, musician, humorist, family man. I value irreverence, soulfulness, and a big heart. Offering insight, introspection, shock & aw shucks!

No Crime in Rhymin’

poetry that dares to be funny, edgy, irreverent

Harper Thorpe

Written by

Engaged citizen, poet, musician, humorist, family man. I value irreverence, soulfulness, and a big heart. Offering insight, introspection, shock & aw shucks!

No Crime in Rhymin’

poetry that dares to be funny, edgy, irreverent

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