The Legend of Billy’s Underpants
a cautionary tale
The moon was full, the stars were bright
as, in bed, Billy snored,
his room a mess of clothes and junk,
he dreamt that Leeds had scored
Just then a passing moonbeam
aglow with magic light
shone down on Billy’s underpants
so silent in the night.
They gave a tremble and a shake
and then a little sigh,
then leapt up and began to eat
a crust of custard pie,
a nibble of some chocolate
a bit of Blackpool rock —
then gave a burp and guzzled down
a very smelly sock.
Then gathering momentum
around the room they flew
they sucked up things through both leg holes
and grew and grew and grew.
The noises soon woke Billy
who watched the scene in fright —
a pair of giant underpants
devouring all in sight.
He fumbled for his golf club
and tried to whack the pants,
but all they did was dodge the blows
while eating mother’s plants.
Then down the passageway they went,
sucked pictures off the walls,
downstairs they made a meal of rugs
and coats and fishing poles.
Billy’s mother, horrified,
threw open the front door —
Bill gave a shout, the pants flew out
and ate the neighbour’s mower.
Poor Billy cried a warning as
the shed was guzzled down
‘My underpants have come alive
to terrorise the town.’
The neighbours came with bats and sticks
to tackle the great beast,
but Billy’s underpants were tough
not troubled in the least.
A brick, a pan, a garden rake
had no effect at all,
then Billy yelled, ‘A match, a match.’
and struck it on the wall.
He threw it at the underpants
which blazed then turned to ash,
and Billy swept the remnants up
and threw them in the trash.
The damage came to thousands,
it really was a shame,
and all the neighbours ground their teeth -
said Billy was to blame.
So keep your bedroom neat and clean,
avoid this pain and strife,
in case a passing moonbeam
should bring your pants to life.
