NCIR’ PILING ON

The Messin’ With You Blues

The story behind the story of Laura Sheridan’s ATM Blues

Harper Thorpe
Mar 7, 2020 · 3 min read
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Woke up this morning and called my friend Ruth.
She’s got a nice smile, just missing one tooth.
We both are retired and looking for fun —
today we decided we’d make a bank run.

Ruth was a teller, but she’d been let go;
ATM installed and her window got slow.
She’d given her best to the bank company
now barely could pay that ATM fee.

Ruthie spoke up: “They’ll wait for their dough.
And they thought my teller window was slow!
If luck is with us, the machine will be ours …
we’ll plan to be through in less that two hours.”

Away we hurried, our plot still evolving—
two fun-loving friends, who love problem solving.
We walked to the screen — it’s almost showtime.
Wow, that was too close. We arrived just in time!

A young gal walks up. She looks in a hurry.
She’s not concerned yet, but it’s time to worry.
A debit card’s needed. Ruth searches her purse.
She’s norm’ly not fast; it’s about to get worse.

Ruth finds her cards, they’re stuck together.
“Darn my arthritis acts up in bad weather.”
She peeled them apart, found the right one,
then fumbled them all. We’re having some fun!

I sneeked a quick peek — the line is sure growing.
Though Ruth‘s card is in, the transaction’s slowing.
She adjusts her hat, shouts out loud, “what’s my PIN?”
I know she knows it, and I fight back my grin.

The next thing she did surprised even me.
She puts balm on her lips then applies it to me!
Our stalling tactics — impressive for shut-ins —
Her PIN is now in, Chapstick’s on the buttons.

Ruth gets her money and now it’s my turn.
Next in line Ms. Impatient is starting to burn.
My hearing’s not good, but I’m sure she cursed.
Sure I am slow, but she’s not seen the worst.

Harry, Ruth’s boyfriend, is on his way down.
He’s older than her and a bit of a clown.
He heard of our plan and begged for a part.
Ruth sees him arrive and calls out “Sweetheart!”

I’ve now got my money; boyfriend’s on the move
Though advanced in age, he’s got something to prove.
Poor gal in the front thinks it’s her turn at last.
But who would’ve thought Harry’s dodder so fast.

His debit card ready, he shoved it in clean.
Possession’s nine tenths; that includes the machine
Ruth and I headed back home for some wine.
Now Harry’s in charge of the ATM line.

Inspired by Laura Sheridan’s very funny story of her own ATM experience. And yes, she was the “young gal” in front of the line:

No Crime in Rhymin’

poetry that dares to be funny, edgy, irreverent

Thanks to Laura Sheridan

Harper Thorpe

Written by

Engaged citizen, poet, musician, humorist, family man. I value irreverence, soulfulness, and a big heart. Offering insight, introspection, shock & aw shucks!

No Crime in Rhymin’

poetry that dares to be funny, edgy, irreverent

Harper Thorpe

Written by

Engaged citizen, poet, musician, humorist, family man. I value irreverence, soulfulness, and a big heart. Offering insight, introspection, shock & aw shucks!

No Crime in Rhymin’

poetry that dares to be funny, edgy, irreverent

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