The Southold Report:
“I Bring You Fake News, But Never Distort”
I am going to tell you a story that sounds quite absurd,
But you gotta believe me, it’s true every word.
We have a dog who talks only to me,
Dispensing her wisdom like a gift that is free.
And I don’t mean just with a look or a glance
That could easily keep anyone entranced.
Again, this may sound absolutely absurd,
But Middie talks to me, in actual words.
Now Middie is definitely the inquisitive sort,
Which she didn’t get from me, though it’s news I report.
You see, I am a Fake News Reporter — for CNS,
The Central News Service, also fake, I confess.
But I cover real news, both here and abroad
And I don’t mean to brag, but — some applaud
What I have written, and how I find my sources,
The heart of reporting, which it of course is.
But now I must tell you of my secret weapon
That keeps me on top, free of being stepped on.
I must confess, it’s Middie above all,
Responsible for that Pulitzer up on my wall.
