The Turd That Would Not Flush

plumbing versus free will

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Your steadfastness and willpower
I’ll admit I do admire
But please, note the circumstances —
This ain’t the place, nor the hour

You see, this isn’t where I live,
First impressions: made but once,
My prom date will lose her patience —
Her folks will take me for a dunce

They will not take to me kindly
(All jokes aside, let’s be clear)
If I exit with their daughter, but
Leave behind a souvenir

I had no intent to idle
But I felt that sudden urge
Against my better judgment I asked
To come in and stem the surge

Watching your hypnotic dance,
Helpless, on the verge of crying,
If I haven’t flushed you still,
It surely ain’t for lack of trying …

Cumberbutton in a bunch,
Tux pants down around my ankles,
If I don’t do something quickly
This night’s gonna end in shambles