POETRY | HUMOR
The White Van Man
An unfair, reductionist and elitist description of the hard-working, white, middle age, British male in a Mercedes Sprinter
He’s not from this neighborhood
The man with the white van
He’s just passing by
As fast as he can
Late for work each morning
And ticked off by life
The white van man
Has a fight with his wife
Angry as the reckless wind
Blowing things upside down
He starts his white van and
Drives across town
Cutting through traffic
Skipping red lights
Blocking crossroads
Starting fights
Don’t try to tame him
He’ll curse and swear
Causing havoc on earth
Without a f*ck to spare
Rushing ahead to heaven
In his Mercedes Sprinter
The man with the white van
Will show you his middle finger
As transient as he’s impatient
He will send you into despair
Then roar his 2-liter engine
And vanish into thin air
Late at night you’ll find him
Pissed in a peon pub
With his white van bunch of
Bogged down Beelzebubs
They’ll talk politics
Over cheap lagers
And burp out rants
Against bad drivers
Drunk, doped and marveled
At how much they can moan
They’ll get into their vehicles
And drive themselves home
Their kids will be in bed
Their wives fuming red
The fight will start again
For the white van men
But why would they care?
They don’t have a f*ck to spare
They draw their middle fingers
And proudly pull their triggers:
We drive our white man vans
We’re c**ts because we can!
