Yule Be Sorry
philandering isn’t cool
I would come home for Christmas
if I were still alive,
materialise before your eyes
and turn up in your drive.
I loved you, dearest Eddie,
I thought you loved me too,
but there you were with saucy Fleur
your glasses all askew.
You said that it meant nothing
when I caught you with Jane,
and then with Wend, my dearest friend,
it drove me quite insane.
Last Christmas Eve we argued,
a bitter, jealous fight,
and in our car — the Jaguar
I drove into the night.
The roads were cold and icy
and also, I’d been drinking,
I hit the brake, slid in the lake
found I was slowly sinking.
It was a chilly, horrid death
but I can’t rest in peace,
your cheating heart tore me apart
a pain that will not cease.
I can’t come home for Christmas
as living flesh and bone,
but I’ll be here in spirit, dear
so make sure you’re alone -
‘cos if I catch you with Marie -
you’ll end up in the lake, with me…
