Fear

Are you scared that one day you can't handle it anymore? Scared that a day will come and you just decided to end everything?

You are afraid everyday, afraid that one day you just end it and let your soul free, but then you remember the people who love you. What will happen to them? Will you leave and let them down?

“If that means I am free. I will do it”

When you are alone, when things are so quite — it is all a perfect ingredient to meditate and think through all the things you want to do and wish you did not do. At this time is where your mind wanders and possibly think all the terrible things you can do to escape.

Your mind and soul is always out of place, you cannot even think straight due to all the things you have on your shoulder and how no one is even trying to help. People see you as a successful individual and is able to get all you want, but then do they know all the sufferings and sacrifices you made just to reach where you are right now?

I bet they don’t and all they see is how you can make things seems so easy when in fact deep inside you are dying just to get where you are.

Do they really know you behind that perfect mask?

No, they don’t. They don’t have the slightest idea how much you suffered and how tormenting it is and how terrified you are with your own thoughts.

There are still a lot of things you want to do in life, yet it feels like you only want to see the end of this tunnel and give up. Maybe if you reach the end it will be all alright.

“Why is it so difficult for me? Why is it always like this? Why do I always have to suffer for everything? Am I not worthy of your love? Am I that bad to you and that you let me suffer every time?”

“I am tired, exhausted and terrified with my thoughts.”