… 1 Year Later
Facebook reminded me today that it is my one year anniversary since I flew off on my journey. I can hardly believe its been a full year, but here I am, alive and mostly well.
It’s hard to describe how much I’ve changed since just a year ago, and overall I am very happy with the progress I’ve made. At times I wasn’t sure I could make it through.
Understanding Love
The funny thing is that although my trip around the world has ended, or as I like to think of it paused for a brief interval, the journey itself continues and does not end. On this journey of mine, I’ve had a chance to fall in love, madly. And though things did not work out in the short run for us, I still hold him dear to my heart. He has been a catalyst for so much of the progress I’ve made in the past 6 months. I may have gotten here eventually on my own without José, but with him by my side and in my life, I’ve gained the type of life experience that no amount of money can buy.
I learned what it truly means to love someone, and I’ve learned to let go of love. It was one of the hardest things I’ve done in my life, to say goodbye to someone I completely understood. And when I finally understood him I realized I absolutely love him unequivocally and at the same time understand that things will not work out, and not because of lack of love and affection, but because you have to let them find their own path in life.
This is a year where I’ve also lost my grandfather, after a protracted illness that left him suffering immensely in the last two years of his life. It took away his dignity, his health, and any semblance of a strong man I once knew. Seeing him on my last trip in March was simply devastating and I still carry the emotional impact of that with me.
Understanding Myself
In the year since my journey began I also gained better perspective of some of my own coping strategies, how they contribute to my intrapersonal relationships. I am happy that I am now able to use that new skill set to gain a completely new perspective on myself and people around me. It is as if the floodgates have opened and I can finally understand myself and others at a far deeper level. The feeling is very gratifying.
Another benefit of my trip around the world and of knowing José has been my growing love and interest in the Spanish language and the Latin culture. In the short time since I’ve picked up a lot of beginner phrases and I’m able to have semi-functional conversations with Spanish speakers in my day to day life. Nothing excites me more than going into the Mission and ordering my food in Spanish and the pride I get from the smiles it produces. It’s opened the doors to me into a whole other world I never had access to before and its given me an opportunity to meet some truly wonderful and kind people.
The Future
I won’t claim I’ve reached some higher plane of existance or understanding. The fact of the matter is that this journey of life is like a climb up the mountain. As you hike up the slopes you find yourself deep in a forest, but after a certain elevation the forest does not have enough oxygen and water, so it gives way to shrubs and bushes, and further on up they give way to grass and to moss, until the only thing left are rocks. I feel like I’ve finally stepped outside of the forest, and the bushes are up to my chest, but I can finally see ahead and to the top. I can see the road ahead and what it entails. I can see the obstacles up ahead, and it will be a challenge, but I am happy that I can finally see.
I wrote and dedicated this poem to José Luis Plasencia Dominguez. Without your heart brimming with love I would still be lost. Thanks for making me a better man.
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