A Parent-Friendly GSB? I Can Dream

“MOM!” My 3-year-old leaped into my lap, gave me a big hug, and turned to face the computer screen to smile and wave at my Zoom classmates. He and his older brother had just returned from a few days with their dad, and they were eager for Mommy snuggles.

I had just started my second quarter at the GSB as a single parent during a pandemic. My kids and I had established fairly reasonable expectations regarding my availability during online classes, but afternoons were tougher than I anticipated.

A chat message flashed onto my screen from the professor: “This class isn’t appropriate for children.” Surprised and confused, I moved to turn off my video. The professor had beaten me to it. I was effectively kicked out of class for having my son in my lap.

It was a punch to the gut. I held back my tears, settled the boys in front of a movie (yes, I own shares in Disney, Amazon, and Netflix), and returned to class.

Later, I confirmed with my fellow MSx parents that this was, thankfully, an anomaly. My kids, other students’ kids, and plenty of dogs had been intermittent guests throughout all our classes to date; nobody else had experienced a “no children allowed” moment. Key GSB staff listened to my story and apologized for my experience. I dropped the class.

It’s difficult to thrive in a system that wasn’t designed for you. Business school definitely wasn’t designed for moms, much less single moms. Enrollment rates reflect this: mothers comprise only 13 percent and 5 percent of the MSx classes of ’21 and ’22, respectively. There are more fathers (38 percent and 33 percent) in the MSx program than there are women, mothers or not (34 percent and 25 percent).

Traditional patriarchy is invisibly woven into GSB norms and Stanford policies:

• Availability is assumed, both by students and administration. Our orientation schedule wasn’t provided until the last minute, which made childcare scheduling difficult. Important events are scheduled on short notice. Parents juggle multi-person schedules, which aren’t typically reflected on our GSB calendars; meetings randomly show up on my calendar when I’m not available. And many GSB morning classes begin before local school start times.
• Childcare is not prioritized. Waitlists are long. Live-in childcare is prohibited in Stanford housing — even during the pandemic, when that would be the safest option for everyone. Estimated costs of attendance for families only account for $21,412 in child-related expenses (plus $10k for each additional child), when the price of a Stanford-affiliated preschool for a single child starts at $21,936. Classmates are paying anywhere from $25,000-$100,000 for one year of childcare.
• Courtesy cards for access to gyms and dining halls aren’t issued to childcare providers or extended family members. And during COVID, guest passes weren’t available for purchase. One fellow single mom tried to push for a pass for her mother, to no avail. Sending the kids to the pool or the climbing wall on a weekend afternoon in order to get some work done isn’t an option for a single parent at Stanford.

For the record, I’m not trying to win the who-has-it-harder olympics. I have classmates halfway around the world from their spouse whose relationship with their children has been limited to Zoom and FaceTime. I have classmates whose co-parents aren’t local and don’t share in childcare responsibilities. I have classmates who are pregnant, and I have classmates with newborns. I have classmates whose marriages are a source of frustration and stress, not support. I have classmates who desperately desire parenthood but face insurmountable biological or logistical hurdles.

On the plus side, I have the support of a true village for the first time in my life. Living in the family courtyards of Escondido Village, my kids can run out the back door and play with their friends. When shoes or toys are inevitably “lost” in the courtyard, a neighbor parent delivers them to my patio. Other moms and dads keep an eye out for my boys on the playground, and I return the favor. Although it’s small, there is a vibrant community of women who share in my struggles and triumphs. Oh, and my kids love eating at the dining halls.

I’m acutely aware that the particulars of my situation aren’t applicable to most GSB students, but I think we’ve all struggled to determine how we fit into the GSB family. Depending on the day, I self-identify with the single ladies, the student-parents, the SOs (who handle more than their fair share of childcare, household duties, and the mental load), the party animals, or the “old” students who don’t go out. However you label yourself, I encourage you to consider the following:

• Don’t assume availability — or a lack thereof. Moms and parents want to participate and to be included. We can’t always say yes, but please keep asking.
• If you lead a club or plan activities, take a look at your participant list. Are women/moms/parents included? If not, why? Ask yourself. Ask them. You may be surprised at how small tweaks can make a difference. “Kids are welcome!” is a magical phrase. (“Childcare provided!” is even better. A girl can dream.)
• Whether you’re partnered or single, and whether or not you intend to have children someday, start with awareness. Assume less. Ask more questions. Be proactive.

In a world where family structures continue to evolve yet only 8 percent of CEOs at Fortune 500 companies are women, leading institutions (ahem, Stanford and GSB) need to do more. Crowdsourced suggestions include:

• Invest in childcare. In an ideal world, all Stanford students with children would have guaranteed childcare at reasonable rates. A new on-campus childcare facility should be Stanford’s next construction project.
• Centralize support for families at the GSB. Students and SOs lean on each other, but there is no direct contact with anyone on staff.
• Include a family/children clause in all Course Policy forms to remove ambiguity regarding children in class or absences due to family emergencies.
• Increase female representation in case studies, guest speakers, and faculty. We often hear from international students that their perspectives are left out. Women and mothers need representation too.

By the time my 3-year-old is old enough to be a student in business school (and not an unwelcome observer), I hope the idea of women and mothers being underrepresented and under-supported is laughably antiquated. The GSB has made significant progress in the past 50 years, but we cannot pretend this is enough. The status quo always remains unless sufficiently challenged. We all have a part to play in redesigning and building intentionally equitable systems for the future.