An Immigrant’s Diary
To all my fellow GSBImmigrants:
Have you accompanied your American friends to a football game, and wondered what in the world was going on? Has the calculator suddenly become a very important app, as you struggle to convert weight, size, temperature and currencies into American units? As you find your feet in this crazy, loud, fundamentally optimistic, caffeine-addicted, but absolutely amazing country, here are some real experiences of me and my classmates and some tips to equip you for what’s coming -
The day after I moved into my “suite” at Jack McDonald Hall, I decided to pick up groceries from a Trader Joe’s nearby. All I wanted was some cereal, milk, bread, orange juice and maybe some bananas. I equipped myself with a quick shopping list, budgeted for about an hour and left for the store. I started my search for some milk and started reading the labels on the shelves — almond milk, soy milk, oat milk, 2% milk, skim… I felt a bead of sweat forming on my forehead. The next shelf continued — half and half, vitamin D, vegan, whole… The labels were now swimming in front of my eyes. It continued.. extra-protein, Omega 3, calcium, chocolate-flavored, 1%, fat-free and each of these categories were available in 200 different brands. It was dizzying. I definitely developed some dairy intolerance in those moments.
Taking a deep breath, I decided that I needed a break from milk. I thought, maybe I will circle back to milk and started looking for cereal instead. This was worse! Packages of every shape, size, color and ethnicity leered at me from the shelves. Granola, frosted, corn flakes, wheat flakes, berries, honey, nuts, honey-nuts, honey-nut WITH berries… you get the gist! I dropped my shopping basket and ran away.
Long story short, these Americans sure do love variety. Everything must come in blueberry, grape, low-fat, big, small, square and diet options to even attract a glance.
Tip 1: If you want to shop, make a very very specific list (For example my list now says: whole milk- 1 gallon- Clover’s- plastic carton- produced from normal cows and white color only) and STICK to it. Don’t get enticed into a wrong lane at the supermarket, or you are never coming out… ever… it’s a black hole… Trust Me!
At the beginning of the week 1 at the GSB, I bumped into an American friend. “Hi, how are you doing?”, he said. A familiar face, I thought. Eager to share the experiences of my first week in this country, I launched into a vivid and descriptive narrative to answer his question. Somewhere between my laments describing the vagaries of feedback from Lead Labs, I looked up and noticed to my surprise, that he had already walked away. You would think this is rude right? But that’s how Americans roll.
Tip 2: The correct answer to “How are you?” is either a nod and smile, or a “Good, how are you doing? (do not expect an answer to this obviously). It is NOT an invitation to open up. Really… It’s not.
At the end of my first month here, my refrigerator was stuffed with to-go boxes and bags of food from every single restaurant I had visited on University Avenue and every single Door Dash order. Even if you are starving, there is no way you can finish an American entrée all by yourself. American serving sizes are on average, 60% larger than their UK counterparts. Be it fries, coke, pizza or even the size of burgers, America glorifies quantity. Don’t be surprised to see yourself put on pounds within weeks… or days… or hours.
Tip 3: While eating out, remember that America has 3 serving portions — Large, Larger and Largest.
American football has literally nothing to do with the sport the rest of the world knows as football. It’s a complete misnomer. It should in fact be named handegg. Firstly, it is not played with the “foot”. Secondly, the “ball” is not even round. It has a funny oblong shape somewhat resembling an egg or a bladder. After my first viewing, I could only describe it as a group wrestling match, that at some point converts to a race. There are also several moments when you can spot 10 feet human piles over the tiny ball. To add to the complexity, there are a host of quirky traditions that surround the sport. Tailgating for example, involves eating and drinking from the back of a car before the sport starts. Americans do know how to have fun… you have to give them that.
Tip 4: Sporting events are a great opportunity for Americans to do everything they love: eat, drink beer, socialize, shout and laugh… and drink more beer.
If you somehow do navigate everything else, the weird measurement units in America are sure to trip you up. For some reason, America is one of just 3 countries that follows the imperial system of measurement instead of the metric system. (The other 2 countries are Liberia and Myanmar!) Distance is in feet, miles and inches while weight is in pounds. Additionally, the date is out of order too. Also, good luck with the weather conversations. T(°F) = T(°C) × 9/5 + 32.
Tip 5: Sharpen your math to make sense of measurement units. Quick math for converting Fahrenheit to Celsius is subtract 30 and then divide by 2.
I haven’t even mentioned the American superpower of small-talk, or the amazing return policies at stores, or the mean staff on domestic airlines, and so much more on the long list of things that make America unique. However, I cannot end this article without mentioning the wonderful people of this country, who have welcomed and embraced diversity and changed the lives of many who have sought home in this nation.
