Navigating Life’s Major Changes — Sponsored by Phone Friends

I’m a phone friend and proud of it. I’ve gone from high school to college to Kigali to Boston to Stanford. I’m about to go from Stanford to Nairobi. Through it all, my phone friends have been there.

We’re all about to graduate and leave the safe bubble that is the GSB. Whom do you want to take with you? Will your roommate be across the country or the globe? Are you moving to a city where you know not a soul? Maybe a phone friendship is for you.

I know you’re probably thinking — a phone call? I wouldn’t answer the phone unless it was my grandma. You’re not alone. Half of Americans prefer to text friends and family and that number is closer to three-quarters among millennials and GenZers. But don’t knock a phone call. I’ll share research later, but here are a few stories of why my phone friends matter.

First, after binge-ing the fifth episode of Love Island UK that day, I almost ignored my friend Ally’s call. Feeling down and lazy, I decided to answer. Within two minutes, I was folding the laundry I’d ignored for days. After 45 minutes, I was laughing and cleaning my kitchen. By the end of our two-hour call, I had completed all my chores and my mood had transformed. I felt energized, happy, and ready to take on the rest of the day.

Second, Josephine, my best friend from Rwanda, texted me three days in a row asking when I could talk. I was annoyed. It was midterms, so I was busy and stressed. After the triple text, I called, “Hey, what’s up?” She quickly responded with, “You’re in a bad mood, go outside so I can tell you my good news.” Surprised at her intuition, I put on my shoes and went outside. She wouldn’t tell me her news until I updated her and sounded “less grouchy.”

Chatting with Josephine and going for a walk changed my demeanor, passing the threshold for her to share that she was getting married! My entire physiology changed — I was smiling, crying, joy coursing through my body. I can’t imagine a text having the same impact, particularly if it had caught me in my previous headspace.

By the end of our two-hour call, I had completed all my chores and my mood had transformed. I felt energized, happy, and ready to take on the rest of the day.

The science supports this. Phone and video chat (voice modalities) create stronger social bonds than interactions via email, or texting. And voice-only communication, like a phone call, often prompts the greatest empathic understanding.

So while 45% of Americans didn’t feel a sense of belonging in the last year, I wasn’t one of them.

• My phone friend relationships provided support, perspective, and fun.
• My figure skating friends, who have known me since I was 8, tell me when they don’t see the spark, the drive I had when I was training for a big competition.
• My college friends tell me when I’m drifting away from my principles and mission.
• My friends from Kigali and Boston remind me when I’m taking life too seriously and need to explore the little joys that make me smile from within. They keep me true to every version of myself — the 8-year-old, the high schooler, the college kid, and the early professional.

Don’t get me wrong — it’s not all take and no give. My greatest joy is being actively involved in the lives of my friends. I’m their biggest cheerleader, there to talk through love, loss, new jobs, and anything that comes our way. In this way, we’re each other’s family — from near and far.

With my phone friends, time zones and numerous obligations are ever-present. But we call each other without abandon. The rule: call when you can, answer when you can, and never apologize when you can’t talk. And make sure your phone is on silent when you sleep. It’s worked well with over 15 friends for nearly 15 years.

The rule: call when you can, answer when you can, and never apologize when you can’t talk.

So as we prepare to graduate and scatter across the globe, let’s foster the relationships we’ve built at the GSB. Pick up the phone, be a friend. See how it goes. I hope your relationships blossom like mine.

Editor: Kha-ai Nguyen