Who Is She? An Exclusive Conversation with @mba_barbie
“😍How did you know that fame is one of my top SMART goals?” replied @mba_barbie (a.k.a. “Babs”) in response to an interview request sent via Instagram DM — I had to meet Palo Alto’s most elusive celebrity on her home turf.
Even in private communications, the GSB’s hottest parody Instagram account refuses to break character in a way that further validates the burning question on campus:
Who IS mba_barbie?
For the uninformed (MBA1s, our pre-GSB friends, my confused mother): @mba_barbie is an Instagram account that satirizes the journey of a first-year MBA student who is presumably studying at Stanford’s Graduate School of Business. The account launched in June 2019, joining @mba_mikey (34.9k followers), @mbaconfession (4k followers) and the GSB’s own @corporate.bro (100k followers) among the ranks of humor accounts catering to those who delight in EBITDA puns and LinkedIn flexes.
And since @mba_barbie hit the web, the account has sparked heated debate around who is behind the well-developed @mba_barbie character and the expanding universe of related character accounts. A non-scientific poll of current students revealed speculation that she is everything from an MBA1 to an E-IPER to even a member of a rival East Coast MBA program that rhymes with “Shvarvard,” but whose name I won’t print in full to indulge its SEO.
An Investigation Begins
As an MBA2 who largely writes about food policy but is seeking reprieve from the existential crisis that is full-time job hunting, I determined that investigating this matter was of utmost importance to the harmony of the GSB community. I began a deep dive on her digital artifacts to try to unearth her identity.
For one, she posted a photo clearly taken at the Bass Center’s RAIL Lab as recently as September 27th, sparking rumors that she must be a current or recent student. It featured a late-quarter OSM assignment that implies it was saved from someone who took the class at least a year ago.
Her posts also occasionally use language specific to Touchy Feely, typically only taken MBA2 year or in Spring MBA1 year for Arbuckle Fellows (“Lately, Mischa’s dropped my friendship bids…”), making it less believable that Babs could be an MBA1. Let’s dig deeper, shall we?
Of the 20 accounts she follows, the only two non-mainstream accounts to which she subscribes both exclusively document members of the Class of 2019 (@_gsben_, @humansofthestanfordgsb).
And the largest share of likes (35%) on her first post are from members of the GSB Class of 2019, which — as a former Facebook employee — I know indicates that this is the social group to which she likely belongs (check the analysis yourself).
You’re probably thinking what I’m thinking: that’s one heaping pile of evidence to suggest that this account is run either by an alum from the Class of 2019, or a very calculated and well-researched current student or outsider. But that’s not what matters here.
What my hot pursuit of @mba_barbie revealed was that to know her identity would be to ruin the very thing we love about her. Through her stingingly accurate satire, @mba_barbie makes us feel known. And as long as her identity remains a mystery, that sense of knowing has infinite bounds. To reveal Babs’s identity is to take away the magic that among us in this bubble of a community, there is someone making painstaking niche memes solely to humor us. I have closed this investigation in order to preserve, and not sunset, something fantastic.
In Her Own Words
As I mentioned, this investigation began with an exclusive interview with Babs. To respect her anonymity, we corresponded via an identity-concealing, eponymously named Gmail account. The following is an exact transcript, shared sans edits so as not to detract from the greatness that is Babs in her textual medium of preference:
Tell me a bit about the @mba_barbie origin story. Where are you from, Babs? What did you do for work? What makes you tick?
You know me. I grew up in a wealthy suburb playing field hockey, bingeing on Chipotle, and listening to Katy Perry. My parents encouraged me to aim for the Ivy League, so after hours of grueling one-on-one SAT tutoring, I earned my golden ticket! #grit
In college, I was social committee president and studied abroad in Barcelona (soy muy fluido en espanol!). I’m #blessed with Ivy League credentials but needed one more elite stamp of approval, so I recruited at Big Consulting Company. Yes, I’m sponsored, and no, I don’t plan on returning to that hellhole whatever the price (well okay, I do have a price, but they definitely can’t afford it).
Despite my hectic, jet-setting lifestyle, I have a rich portfolio of hobbies. Living in Europe turned me into a shameless foodie, but let’s be real, I love consuming everything: Equinox classes, EDM concerts, Michelin-starred cuisine, Anthropologie, and Section 4 gossip. I’ve dedicated my life to the art of consumption! As my hero Shakira reminds us: “Try everything.”
What do you think about Dean Levin?
I recently had a small group dinner with Dean Levin and he is the man. People used to give him a hard time when he presented onstage, but come on, that’s so 2017. He’s incredibly charismatic and thoughtful and entertaining, especially in small groups. I feel really lucky to have such a principled and visionary leader at the helm of our school. Plus, his perfect bone structure kind of makes me swoon. Same with Lisa De Simone. And Graham Weaver… Graham Weaver the most. OK, I’ll stop there.
How was Colombia? Any promising MBA1s on your radar?
Colombia was nothing short of transformative. I didn’t really notice the country itself because my eyes were locked in conversation (on the bus, in the pool, at the club, paragliding etc.) with other MBAs the whole time, but it smelled absolutely epic and my classmates never cease to floor me. Everyone is just so kind and smart and ambitious — I had a rare moment of personal reflection at a midnight yacht pool party rave and just felt so, so lucky to be there, surrounded by these world-changers.
Take Lincoln (aka @Ebitdaddio). He has a blue-chip private equity background, volunteers in Costa Rica every summer, and wants to go into impact investing. At KKR. Like, this guy could literally do anything he wants, and he chooses to save the world at a top firm. What a gem. I also met a ton of girlfriends and we started a private WhatsApp thread called the MBaes while maintaining a strong spirit of #inclusivity with the wider class. No easy task, but we crushed it.
Your posts mention that you’re engaged to your fiancé, Roman (@leveragelegend92) who seems to be attending HBS. How did you meet, and how are things going?
Roman and I met on an elite dating app and we’re doing fine. Next question?
OK, in the spirit of deep #vulnerability, we’re not fine. Things with Roman are rocky. He’s at our rival b-school on the opposite coast. He doesn’t know how to use feeling words or the FaceTime call button. And here I am, navigating b-school in California, just trying to get my needs met. We had a crisis last week when he forgot our half-year anniversary. I flew back East and missed an entire two days of classes to patch things up. Boston is beautiful in the fall, and so are Roman’s muscles. We spent 48 hours remembering the things that brought us together: fitness, keto, Ashton Kutcher flicks. Roman agreed to call me every day if I promise to take him off Find My Friends. Sounds like a #fairtrade to me. Roman can’t help it if love isn’t one of his languages.
What matters most to you, and why?
What matters most to me is leveraging the power of technology to save humanity. Technology is modern-day magic: it connects us (favorite app is Find My Friends ❤) without uttering a word. It solves high-impact challenges without engaging messy human interactions, and it makes our lives more vivid without requiring us to look up from our screens. Christina: you and I never once had a single in-person conversation, yet you know the intimate details of my love life because of the power of Instagram. How cool is that? How could anyone not dedicate their careers to advancing such a meaningful cause?
I came to business school to become a technology #girlboss. I even have a startup idea that I’ll share with you (the idea’s patented, so paws off, readers). It’s called AI Jesus. Working with a CS student, I downloaded the words of Christ from the King James Bible (they’re all in red so that helped) and coded them into a complex algorithm that analyzes and responds to moral dilemmas in real time. We’re currently beta testing in Alabama and have raised a seed round from two major Christian universities. Never again will you wonder “What would Jesus do?” because well, AI Jesus will tell you. There’s massive market potential in Asia with a Buddha franchise–really, heaven’s the limit.
