Working with family for the first time in lockdown? Tips from GSBers who’ve mixed family and business
Four years ago, I found myself in my work nightmare. Hot tears streamed down my red, puffy face. I was ugly crying, in front of joyous colleagues giddily counting down the seconds until the start of a holiday weekend. The last piece of feedback my boss, also known as my dad, had gifted me hadn’t landed well.
Mixing work and life is messy. In quarantine, a lot of us are learning just how messy as our families and roommates become our colleagues, and our colleagues get front row seats to our lives. So, I thought I’d gather some tips from people who have taken a masterclass in this messiness, our classmates from family business. Here’s their take on finding the joy (and avoiding the sorrows) of working with family.
Seperate your roles
I made one big mistake in my emotional breakdown. I slipped from being an employee (annoyed by her boss) to a daughter (devastated by something her dad said). Karishma Grover (‘20), who worked with her dad in their family’s Indian wine business, says separating her role as a daughter and employee was crucial to maintaining their relationship. She gave her Dad feedback about how he could show up better at work as her boss and at home as her Dad.
In lockdown, it’s easy to stay in the role of loved ones who happen to work alongside each other. Instead, think about transitioning into the role of colleagues during work hours. Use language to make those roles more distinct (I was Jes at work, and Jessa at home). Give feedback about how that annoying work-from-home habit impacts you as a colleague, rather than a frustrated partner.
Over Communicate
It’s easy to think you know what your loved ones think or feel. Chances are you don’t. That’s why Philipp Krinner (‘20), who worked with his father, brother and cousin in Germany before coming to the GSB, urges us to over-communicate. A lot of us are riding emotional roller coasters during lockdown. We need to check in, and be checked in on now more than ever. Ask someone how they’re doing, as a colleague, and as a loved one. Be open about what you need, and why you’re showing up the way you are. You’ll probably surprise the people you’re isolating with.
Lines in the sand
Christopher Jane (’20) says that having clear roles and expectations was crucial to starting not one, but two, food companies with his sister. He stressed that it’s important to share a passion and vision, but not day-to-day work. This not only allowed them to show their deep trust and respect for each other’s expertise, but crucially limited the time that they could step on each other’s toes. In Covid, think about how you can build a vision for how you want life to look as a household, then break up the work so that folks know what’s expected and have autonomy to execute how they see fit.
Find a language to disagree as colleagues
When we’re stressed, it’s easy to fall into the old communication patterns. Julia Milch (’20) worked with her brother at her family’s laundry supply business. She says that finding a language to disagree with her brother as colleagues was essential (albeit challenging). Most of us know how to disagree with our loved ones as loved ones. We probably lack the language as colleagues. Think about using lockdown to find that language, you never know when it will be useful later!
Have a ritual to let go
Each classmate had a ritual for letting go and moving on after inevitable blow ups. For Philipp Krinner, that ritual was going out for lunch and leaving grudges at the door. Christopher Jane falls back to the same tradition he’s had with his sister since they were kids; calmly talking over a cake and a pot of tea. Julia Milch’s brother set an important precedent early by inviting her over for dinner and immediately switching into family mode. In lockdown, think about creating a ritual where you physically and emotionally inhabit a new space to let go and move on.
Understand what matters
Going into his family’s business, one thing was clear for Kev Lubega (‘20); family is more important than business. In times when it’s near impossible to be a perfect family member and employee, this seems more important that ever. Kev was clear that he would make business decisions that preserved his relationship with his parents and siblings rather than optimising for the business every time. As you’re navigating the emotional roller coaster of COVID, don’t forget to be intentional about what matters to you.
Celebrate their work life
It’s pretty cool to see your family members shine at work. I was in awe of how funny my brother was as a writer, how creatively my Dad negotiated, and how confidently my Mum gave feedback. I rarely saw these sides of them at home. I saw them everyday at work. Kev Lubega says working with his family to co-create something meaningful brought them closer together. Spending most of their waking minutes together gave him the opportunity to learn things he’d never learned as their child; how they worked, dealt with conflict, what gave them joy and purpose at work. Julia Milch’s brother was her biggest cheerleader. He encouraged her and wanted her to be her most impactful. Celebrate the new things you’re learning about the people who you love during lockdown. Be awestruck by how deftly they navigated this new normal.
You’re not going to be perfect
I didn’t speak to my Dad for three whole days after those ugly tears. We avoided each other from inside the same house (awkward), until he extended an olive branch and we had a desperately overdue conversation. We laughed. I cried some more. During shelter in place, we’re not going to be perfect. Some days will be great, others less so. It’s hard. But it’s important to extend those olive branches, to have challenging conversations, to forgive, to find ways to move forward and to laugh together.
