The Madness of Abrupt Changes
Every time the local cable company changed the channel lineup, it bothered me. Every time a website like Yahoo! changed the arrangement of their homepage, it bothered me. Every time social gatherings or counseling appointments would get canceled, it bothered me. Every time a mobile game app I played changed the setup of its user interface, it bothered me. Every time my car’s driver seat was moved when I had it in for servicing work, it bothered me.
Every time I was unexpectedly given a lengthy chore to do, even if I was not busy, it seemed to bother me. If something changes with my consistent routine, including quirks such as the position of kitchen light switches, I feel rattled by it to a certain degree. My reactions range from being annoyed to being frustrated to throwing a fit, hopefully in private. I have often wondered why.
The answer is actually quite simple. I like structure and, for me, being organized. When abrupt changes occur or I am rushed, as an autistic person, it can be awkwardly disruptive. It makes sense to me when I put something in a certain place or I can easily remember where it is, such as menu options on a mobile device. When I find or create structure in my life, this creates predictability that seems to soothe the thinking of my analytical mind.
If something disrupts my structure or routine when I do not expect it, I will often go through a period of adjustment. Back in high school, I developed close friendships with a group of classmates. As teenagers often do, there were times when they would randomly call me and ask if I wanted to hang out. Thanks to my autistic talent for memory retention, I can still remember exactly how I felt in that instance.
I froze. It felt as if I stopped moving as my mind tried to process the change. I hesitated, and I had to think about what to do. But these were my friends! They valued me, and I valued them. Thinking back, one of the reasons could have been social anxiety. Perhaps the effects of the worst bullying in junior high made me hesitate like this when I was in senior high. It is certainly possible. My memory retention allows me to remember such fine details.
With my friends, there were times I would not go out at all. Other times, it would take a certain amount of prodding to almost convince me to go. In those moments, I imagine I am breaking down some sort of mental barrier that caused me to trigger. If I resolved it, then I would hang out with them. Sometimes, though, I would just be spontaneous and throw caution to the wind. Fun times.
Some autistic people who are capable of holding down long-term employment and appear to blend in with the rest of society still have problems dealing with disruptions to their lives. If they are used to doing things their way, I have seen some struggle and resist adapting to changes that challenge their sense of structure.
If bills are paid a certain way, rent is collected a certain way, online management of health services requires scheduling appointments using a website instead of calling, or their choice of employment, which in some cases could be their special interest, suddenly ends I fret seeing some autistic people fall apart because of those changes. What if their parent, on whom they depend most or every day, were to pass away? If they are over 21 and capable enough in society, I fear that we would be ignored despite this truth.
In those cases, heaven help us, because there are no support services available that could effectively help autistic people older than 21. Nothing I have seen exists or is funded in my area or others I have researched. If the abrupt changes are sudden enough, they could destabilize our mental health enough for the lack of adjustment to lead to serious consequences. Some could even experience a spike in suicidal ideations unless they are able to cope.
#LetThatThinkIn
Welcome to the next Autism Experience.
Suicide Risk vs. Autistic Thinking.
