Are your needs ‘reasonable’?

Photo by chester wade on Unsplash

My sense is that all triangulation is somewhat dysfunctional, but I’m not sure. For example, if I ask my partner out on a certain night, he can say “Let me check my calendar and get back to you”, or he can say “I want to but my other partner thinks you’re asking for too much time”. Is the first response “healthy” (non-triangulating) and the second response triangulating (or otherwise wrong)?

Another question I have is about boundaries. When I’m with my non-monogamous partner (i.e. it’s our date night), is it reasonable for me to ask him to not receive or send texts from my metamour? My BF has one other partner. We’re in a “V” relationship for now.

This column has been moved to the Non-Monogamy Help website.