Medium doesn’t make it easy to find all of the columns and podcast episodes available for Non-Monogamy Help, so here it is. An index of all of the columns and podcast episodes, and other articles about polyamory by Lola Phoenix, sorted into subject matter.
Whether you’re considering it or your partner has asked you about it, here are the entries we have for folks considering polyamory for themselves or their current relationships — both the good and the bad scenarios.
- Can you become polyamorous?
- Is opening your relationship worth it?
- Is polyamory just a phase?
- Not believing in monogamy
- When you don’t want to open your relationship
- Should you do monogamy if you can’t?
- Episode 10: Forced into polyamory
- Episode 14: To Open or Not to Open
- Is polyamory worth it?
- Can you compromise on polyamory?
- Episode 16: Just Deal With It
- Relationship broken? Add people.
- Monogamous partner in non-monogamy
- Episode 19: Is Polyamory Lazy?
- Episode 20: Unethical Non-Monogamy
- Episode 22: Backup Wife
Ready for polyamory
You’ve decided to make the plunge but you’re not quite sure where to start or you’re hitting some speed bumps along the way. These are good for people ready for and trying out polyamory.
Reaching out to and finding others
How do you find other people who are polyamorous or tell a friend or someone you like that you’re polyamorous. These are all about reaching out and finding others.
Relationship progression and family
Now that you have your relationship(s), where does it go from here? How do you deal with marriage or raising a family?
- Stagnating vs. relationship escalator
- Lack of polyamorous family role models
- When should you express love?
- Turning a couple into a triad
- Successful solo polyamory and control
- Polyamory after the birth of a new child
- Pregnancy and polyamory
- Episode 4: Getting Married as a Triad
- Traditional marriage and polyamory
- Episode 8: Polyamorous and Pregnant
- Polyfidelity by choice
- Episode 11: Long Distance Lament
- Parenting and polyamory
Insecurity and needs
How do you manage your own needs with others, boundaries and the feeling that you’re not ‘enough’ for someone? These articles are for people struggling to balance and communicate their needs.
- Feeling valued in non-monogamy
- When reassurance means denial
- Can one person meet all your needs?
- Can one person fulfil every need?
- Incompatibility and polyamory
- Ultimatums and polyamory
- Bare minimum in relationships
- Rules and non-monogamy
- Is this jealousy or something else?
- Non-monogamy and being replaced
- The devil’s in the details
- When polyamory makes you feel inadequate
- Can I be replaced?
- Are your needs ‘reasonable’?
- Episode 24: Rules Won’t Save You
Managing difficult emotions
Polyamory isn’t always pretty and it can sometimes bring a lot of emotional turmoil. People struggling with mental health issues may be especially struggling. Here are all the entries around managing your emotions.
- Non-monogamy without the turmoil
- See-sawing feelings in polyamory
- When you should be happy, but you’re not
- How to get over your partner seeing other people
- Getting over your partner sleeping with others
- Polyamory and borderline personality disorder
- Episode 5: Tricky Triangles and BPD
- Bipolar disorder and polyamory
- Episode 7: Polyagony
- Balancing imbalances in polyamory
- Do the intense feelings in polyamory ever end?
- When non-monogamy hurts
- Managing trauma and polyamory
- Possessiveness and polyamory
Emotional responsibility and metamours
What emotional responsibilities do you have in a relationship and where do the end? How do you navigate relationships with metamours? These are for and about negotiation.
- Hierarchies and emotional responsibility
- When should you involve metamours?
- When your partner pulls a veto
- Setting boundaries with metamours
- Managing your partner’s emotions
- When someone else’s rules become yours
- If you’ve crossed a boundary
- When no one asked, but someone told
- How to manage (or not) your metamour
- When your partner hates your metamour
- Treating “secondaries” poorly
- Can you control who your partner dates?
- Emotional support and polyamory
- Can you be monogamous in polyamory?
- Polyamory and needs
- How to get a partner to tell the truth?
- Episode 1: Thruple Trouble
- Too good to be triad
- Episode 6: Polyam in the middle
- Episode 9: Winning Gold Medals
- What to do with a controlling metamour
- Episode 18: Monster of a Metamour
- Episode 21: Walking on Eggshells
- Un-ethical hierarchies in polyamory
- Episode 23: Abusive Metamours
- Energy for everyone but you
Infidelity and sex
How do you navigate the boundaries of STI prevention in an open relationship? Can you cheat and by polyamorous or is polyamory just another way of cheating — but ethically? These entries tackle sexuality, sexual expression, STIs and infidelity.
- Can you turn infidelity into polyamory?
- Hypersexuality and polyamory
- Is polyamory just a way to cheat ethically?
- Sex positivity, demisexuality and polyamory
- When your partner blames you for cheating
- Shortchanged by monogamous culture
- Cheating in polyamory
- STI boundaries and polyamory
- Episode 2: STIs don’t care about feelings
- Episode 12: Needing to be Touched
- Can polyamory fix a sexless marriage?
- Open relationships after cheating
- Episode 20: Unethical Non-Monogamy
- Episode 25: First Time Jitters
- Polyamory as a treatment for infidelity
- Episode 26: Flirting or Cheating
Switching, closing and abuse
These entries are for those trying to figure out the right time to break up, regretting opening or wanting to close the relationship and also for those who may be in dangerous situations.
General polyamory writings
I’ve written a few articles in general about non-monogamous relationships which include things I’ve learned and address common pitfalls in most polyamory advice as well as dealing with mental health issues while being polyamorous or trying polyamory.
- Why I don’t identify as ‘poly’
- Compersion is not compulsory
- Breaking up is necessary to do
- A relationship is not a skill
- Thirteen things I wish I’d learned before choosing non-monogamy
- The hierarchy polyamorous people don’t talk about
- Five reasons ‘Couple privilege’ doesn’t exist
- Useless Polyam Advice: Self-worth
- Useless Polyam Advice: Jealousy vs. Fear
- Non-monogamy and fear
- What anxiety taught me about non-monogamy
- 9 ways toxic parenting impacted your non-monogamy
- 9 strategies for counteracting toxic parenting in non-monogamy
- Don’t you get jealous?
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