How many chances should you give?

Photo by Markus Spiske on Unsplash

I don’t even know where to begin so I suppose I will start with this. Last week my husbands co-workers husband sent me a video of what was pretty incriminating evidence of them cheating on me and him. Since then the four of us have been talking and working things out and figuring out what to do about all of this. Polyamory came up. I have a very steadfast view on monogamy, I don’t know why it’s a hardwired into me the way it is but it is.

So anyways the woman he cheated on me with and her husband this is her first affair. While with my husband and I this isn’t the first, it’s the first time in quite a while though….well unless you count sexting which I had pretty much come to terms with. I have so many fears and reservations that I have voiced with my husband and the other couple. But I’m so tired of the same song and dance too that it seems almost unfair to not try.

But I’m such a guarded person I don’t know that I can bring down those walls like I have for my husband I don’t know I can be unselfish for my husband, I don’t knowing I have enough love to give, and I don’t know that it’s fair to me to not try to repair our core relationship first before diving into a polyamorous relationship and let alone with the woman he cheated on me with even if I like her husband and her on a tentative level.

I’m just beside myself….I wanna please my husband but my heart….and brain don’t want the same things? Maybe they do I don’t know anymore…..

This column has been moved to the Non-Monogamy Help podcast.