When a friend dates your partner

Lola Phoenix
Oct 6, 2017 · 2 min read

I’ve been in a non-monogamous relationship for a couple years. Unfortunately, I haven’t really had the courage to date anyone. My partner has but I don’t crush very easily. When I do bring up people I’m interested in it always requires a lot of processing my partner’s feelings to a point where it becomes a little daunting to even try. But that’s not even the question I have! My issue is this: recently I became friends with a woman. I was very excited to begin our friendship (to a point where my partner even began expressing jealousy & insecurity).

However, I always felt that something wasn’t fully clicking between us — like there was something missing or that I wasn’t picking up on. In any case, I ended up hosting her at my house for a week to help her with a project. At the end of the week, she asks me to sit down with her. She begins crying as she confesses that she feels guilty because she wrote to my partner that morning to tell them that she had a crush on them. I had no idea. I felt shocked and hurt. I still feel hurt and a little used in putting myself out there to help her and then to have her confess feelings for my partner before telling me. What advice do you have in handling a friend wanting to date your partner? Until my partner knew that she had a crush on them, they really didn’t have any romantic interest in her. Now they’ve been texting and hanging out occasionally. I’m feeling really confused!

This column has moved to the Non-Monogamy Help website.

Non-monogamy Help

This publication is moving to nonmonogamyhelp.org. A full URL change will happen soon.

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