Contestations in transitioning from a life abroad
When I was younger, I wanted to be Samantha Brown. For those of you who weren’t avid travel channel watchers like my 13-year-old self, Samantha Brown was one of the first female travel TV show hosts, who trotted around the world, exploring various countries in different continents to seek more ‘local’ experiences. I still don’t know what exactly lured me into her shows, fostering my love for learning about different cultures, but I do know that in some ways, I did become the brown version of Samantha Brown without my own show.
For the past five years, I’ve lived in four different countries outside of the U.S, and have travelled to over 30 countries ever since I left home for the first time at 16. Although I reveled in every moment of walking down quaint cobblestone streets at 5 am, traversing countries on buses, and exploring the lush Andes mountains, almost three months ago I decided to move back to the states after living abroad post-college for five consecutive years. My 15-year-old dream somehow became a reality, but has now dwindled into a struggle that I try not to regret.
If you’ve read any recent travel article or have done a quick google search about living abroad, you’ll find that many people have decided to quit their careers in finance or other mundane 9 to 6 jobs to work abroad in things ranging from teaching English to working on farms. With traveling on the rise more than ever before, many people are living their fantasies of alternative lifestyles in new places. Unlike most of those my age who precipitously decide to live abroad- 27-year olds, tired of their five years in corporate America or low-paying NGO’s- I did the opposite. Instead, I moved abroad post-college with a Fulbright grant, and then spontaneously undertook opportunities that fell on my path to keep me abroad. In those five years, on paper, I did a lot: a Fulbright, a Master’s, and a collegiate level teaching gig. In my mind, I was doing things that I loved, and fulfilling my professional goals outside of the U.S. When I decided to make the decision to return to the states, I found it to be one of the most ‘adult’ things I’ve had to do. I had to think about making long-term plans with my partner, being with my family, and furthering my professional goals. My decision made sense until it actually came to be.
Upon moving back to the states two months ago, my self-perception was shattered by negative experiences with job hunting, and artless interactions with old friends and family members. My world had been constantly moving, filled with new feats both professionally and personally, and I gave up all of that to move back to my parents’ home in search for a job and a new career. After months of scouring for employment and brimming with culture shock from my childhood room, I turned to the internet to see if anyone was undergoing something similar. The lack of posts or articles coaxed me to share some of the advice I wish someone had told me.
1. Make sure that you know your ‘why’ and don’t forget it
A friend recently badgered me for a concise reason explaining why I decided to move back. Though I was initially irked, I later realized that to fully grapple my own shift, I needed a strong stance and perspective on why I decided to move back. Not knowing, or forgetting what motivated your decision can hinder your experience, and easily push you towards a state of depression. As I neared the line of staying in my bed all day, and making myself apply to jobs, I began to motivate myself by creating a structure that resembled how I was living before. The distance between abroad and home may be literally thousands of miles apart, but I’m a firm believer in bringing ‘here’ and ‘there’ together. All of this can only flourish once you understand and accept your motivations for moving back.
2. No one will understand your situation and that’s okay
There are so many experiences and identities that shape any person and how they handle varying situations. Especially if you are coming from an immigrant family like myself, your decision to live abroad may be seen as ‘selfish’ or outright rash and stupid. Someone recently told me, ‘once you get your first job, you’ll see how real work is.’ I couldn’t help but think how my experiences, just because they were not in the U.S., are not perceived as valid or real work. Ironically, many value short-lived travels and vacations, but living in those exotified places is not credible.
At the same time, it’s important to acknowledge that without realizing it, being raised in the states implies succumbing to the idea of American grandeur where one believes that the only real opportunities are here. I can’t tell you the amount of times I’ve heard people from my supposedly ultra-progressive college say, “European schools aren’t real schools” or “anyone can teach abroad.”
This invalidation of the ‘un-American,’ whatever that implies, may make you second-guess yourself, but it’s important to hold your ground. No one will really know why you decided to leave the U.S, or the experiences you acquired. No one knows the extent to which you lived your life, the connections you made, and the daily teachings you learned. The fact is that all of your experiences and lifestyle were so far removed from the people who you will now surround. How do you handle that? Stick to your ‘why’ and remember that self-praise is necessary in this process.
3. Experience from abroad DOES matter, contrary to popular belief
If you have people in your life or potential employers who demean your work experience or lifestyle away from the U.S. (which you will), then they are not the right people for you at this turn in your life. Having negative energy and devaluation of your work will only make you regret your experiences. Moving back puts you in a volatile state of emotions, and if you jumped right into job-hunting, or your next moves, like me, there will be little time for rumination on your previous life. This makes it easier for you to discredit yourself and fall into the trap of undermining your experiences. Get rid of those negative sources of energy!
4. Find your network and work hard to cultivate it
Those childhood friends or family members who got married and are now buying a house chose a different path from yours, and that is OK. However, you are going to need people in your life who share the same interests and values that you have developed over the past couple of years. Be active, even though it may be hard. Force yourself to go to a volunteer event, or a networking group. Talk to strangers who do things that interest you. Remember that the free-spirit you had while living abroad should not disappear because of the constraint of your new context. You may have networks in other places around the globe, but it is important to be rooted and start rebuilding your network.
5. Don’t give up
It may sound trite, but this is something that merits significant attention. This fleeting state of in-betweens and transitions is bound to happen in any process of change. Whether you find yourself looking for jobs, or educational programs, or both (like me), just remember that this is one of the consequences of taking a nonlinear path. American society was not designed for people to be nonlinear, and you are part of the unique group that is creating that representation for different paths.
These experiences of creating lives outside the U.S., are becoming more common for wanderlusts like myself, who don’t just travel for short-lived adventures and enticing Instagram posts, but thrive off of understanding and embracing a global perspective. For those of you transitioning into new lives from abroad to the states, or those in any transition to a new place, know that this ephemeral state of existence is one that you must understand and accept before you begin to thrive again. You are not alone!
