To Be Brutally Honest
Deep Authenticity
There are studies that suggest standup comics are of a certain breed. Not just those who are willing to stand in front of an audience, alone, and deliver a humorous monologue, but more do so with having a lot in common with certifiably “crazy” people. They have similar psychological markers to those with schizophrenia or bipolar disorder. They make connections between things that most people might miss. Then they exaggerate these connections and patterns to the point of silliness.
Great comics have that cognitive disinhibition that makes them both funny, and perhaps a touch mad. If stand up comics didn’t live on the edge of sanity I doubt we would find them funny. We need their madness to both dig out those gems of truth and be willing to say them.
But I don’t think standup comics are just crazy people expressing themselves. I think great comics are tapping into their true selves. Maybe they are a little crazy; maybe we all are. But how many of us are willing to reach inside and expose things we wouldn’t normally tell others? Those things we notice about other people that seem odd, ridiculous, or irritating, but which we keep to ourselves. We live vicariously through comics, as they shoulder the burden of expressing social commentary that would only be allowed on the comic’s stage.
I think that’s what good humor is. Something edgy we can all relate to, yet exaggerated to the point it still surprises us. But even more, comics give us a glimpse into the deep truth behind their psyche. Those connections that surprise us reveal how these individuals think, and in some sense how we all think. The information provided by a comic is not just for laughing; it is a refreshingly raw and real expose’ of deeper truths that bridges the uncomfortable. Good comedy isn’t just entertainment, it makes us think.
Perhaps comics are doing their bits at challenging times in their lives. They have a certain fed-up mentality that moves them to remove their ordinary filters and just tell it like it is. I think it takes a level of “who cares anymore” to stand in front of people and lay it all out, unfiltered. If “tragedy plus time” really does equal comedy then comedy is showcasing a mix of pain and healing. The comic is making a statement to the universe that they will have the final say regarding whatever dire turn of events they’ve experienced.
Humour, like anything cognitive, works by way of juxtaposition. One must strike a contrast between what is obvious and what is unexpected. The social commentary that seems to offend so many today is a critical ingredient to making some of us laugh. There is no way around this. To strip comedy of its offending accouterments would be to eliminate that critical and funny juxtaposition.
It’s one thing to tell your inner secrets to a best friend or relative, but to stand on a stage in front of complete strangers and reveal such inner thoughts takes a kind of uncaring. We all know caring is good, but there are times when not caring can be a powerful impetus that moves us forward. To really release what we think onto others can help us filter friends, find meaningful work and learn about ourselves. We need to surround ourselves with people who both think like us and challenge us. Truly good companions cannot be integrated into one’s life unless they are willing to tell others what they really think.
The stage is a kind of excuse to speak indecently. It’s an artistic license that grants someone the right to say anything and, for the most part, get away with it. Perhaps that’s what art is really for; not to shed light on something necessarily important but to grant us the freedom needed to reach into the depths of human experience and splash it in front of others; all justified by our right to give an artistic performance.
Comedy works because it is both primal and complex. Comedy taps into evolutionary signals that help humans form groups. When we find something funny we are gathering information that is useful, forming bonds with others and picking up on signals that help us find worthy partners or colleagues. Laughter is not just a pleasant pastime, it is a bonding mechanism that ensures groups include worthy members and work together to solve problems.
Humor exists for the same reason anything in nature exists; it’s what led to survival. The perceptual processes that undergird humor showcase the contrast I mentioned previously. Incongruity and surprise force us to reconcile the unanticipated elements within a joke. There is a need for cognitive flexibility as we consider multiple interpretations and reinterpret otherwise familiar information in a novel way. We have to parse clever phrasing, and initiate our imaginations in a divergent fashion. Humor only works when there are social contexts, cultural norms and social cues that we pick up on. It is smart to be funny, and to get humor.
Like any evolutionary trait, humor is so natural because humans need to filter out bad information without knowing explicitly what to look for. One cannot force someone else to laugh, absent chemicals. If you play a classical piano recital people are going to tell you they like it, regardless of their true feelings. In addition to already liking classical music, your audience is giving after-the-fact comments of encouragement. But stand-up comedy gets its feedback in real-time, based on the primal emotions of its audience. It’s one of those areas where silence comes packed with negative information one can use to improve their craft. Only a truly authentic performance can reveal what people really think of you.
Something we all Should Have
We can all learn something from stand-up comedy. We can learn that there is something beautiful and true about words that are raw and real. That there is great value in listening to someone tell us about their vulnerabilities and ideas on life, often at great risk to their reputation and career.
There is always a game of risk involved in our affairs. There is no reward without risking what we have, but too much risk can end it all. Each day we have to choose what is worth telling others and what is better kept to ourselves. To strike that balance that keeps us moving, but without ruin.
But authenticity matters. Any audience will be filtering for authenticity because that’s what humans do. That’s what works. That is how we evolved. People want to hear our genuine opinions because they stem from our genuine experiences, and it’s that kind of information that improves outcomes for the group.
Our authentic opinions don’t have to be right, but they do need to be said. They bring that necessary challenge to the conversation. They throw a wrench into our preconceived ideas and help shape the way we perceive and interpret new information, events and individuals. I think stand up comedy is such a break from the norm because we live in a largely manufactured, redundant world. Most music sounds the same. Movies no longer take risks. Politics never really changes. There is arguably little mystery left in our modern world.
At least that’s how it often looks. But there is, in fact, a great deal of mystery to life. We don’t really know why any of us are here. We are always searching for more meaning, more contentment, more answers to our biggest questions. Life is exceedingly mysterious, but we only get reminded of that when something like comedy punches through the tedium of our fabricated and mass-produced reality. “Oh yeah, that’s so true isn’t it.”
Whenever we are in a situation where we need to reveal our thoughts, we should be willing to tell others what we are really thinking. It’s like considering filters in reverse. We usually think about filtering our words to others, but there is great value in speaking candidly and letting the group filter their interactions with us, based on how they perceive our candid words. This is how we learn about ourselves and about the world. We need to be judged, according to social norms and expected discourse. Those judgements are worth their weight in gold in terms of how they influence our decisions and our efforts to improve our lives. But all of this only works if we are speaking our minds.
This is true for both our personal and professional lives. Personal relationships dramatically improve when we bear our true souls and let others see some of our vulnerabilities. Our careers go better when we really let others know what we think. Of course there is a dosage to how forthright we should be, but beyond saying things that are blatantly offensive, speaking our minds gets us noticed by the right people.
Humans have evolutionary filters for authenticity. We want authentic people to be included in the group because it can be too risky otherwise. Groups need to rest their survival on decisions and decisions require that most necessary currency of all interactions; information. If someone is concealing their true nature they are introducing faulty signals into the system. Bad signals in a system throw it off-kilter, enabling bad patterns that eventually cause the system to collapse. Systems need real information.
We can make our work more authentic by spending less time filtering our thoughts in the hopes of appeasing an audience, and instead reminding ourselves that we only have one life. On our deathbeds we are unlikely to be pleased with all the times we sanitized our work for the sake of pleasing others. We are more likely to have a sense of fulfillment thanks to the times we revealed our true selves to the world.
What the World Needs
Authenticity makes work more solvable because it taps into what we’re really good at. I talked about the importance of trusting our mind’s ability to learn automatically in my episode on Our Brains Know More Than We Do. So much of what’s needed to excel in any effort is already provided by our mind’s natural abilities in pattern recognition and analogy making. This is how we deliver our best work, how we get into the zone, how we just move and bring value; and this can only come from a sense of raw authenticity.
We are told to think about the audience we’re presenting to. While this isn’t all bad, it can also be a trap that constrains our work and makes it obvious and pedantic. It’s too easy to fill our work with the status quo, or the patterns everyone expects. This isn’t what the world needs. It needs change. It needs something innovative. It needs you.
Our best work does not stem from audience considerations; it’s something more. Something synergistic. What’s needed in our words are the raw unfiltered essence of what we believe, without having to have all the reasons for those beliefs. It’s okay to just feel what you feel and to express that to make a point. This is especially true in the earlier parts of our efforts, where we are exploring the vast space of possibilities. There is always time to refine later, but if we want some of that mystery to emerge in our work we need to let go.
Our work is better when we do it for ourselves. It turns out this is the best we can do for others. When we do things for ourselves we are reaching into what we really know. We are doing a service to others because we are providing something that is both beyond the obvious and that which we have intimate knowledge about. The most rational choice in life, when thinking long-term, is to be ourselves. Being ourselves is something we never really regret. The same cannot be said for hiding our opinions in the hopes of remaining innocent and non-irritating.
Humans filter for authenticity, and authenticity is not something that is appeasing, it is something that is already there, in us. Authenticity contains the right pieces and the right connections, guided by emotional cues that are primal, complex and right.
If it’s true that the world needs our authenticity then we should make an active attempt to bring our true selves to our work, with little (not none) regard for what people will think. Let nature mix and match our authenticity into what it is meant to be. Let people perceive it as they perceive it. Dig into our true nature. There is so much more there than we realize. That’s where our true potential lies.
We can never become whatever the universe has in store for us unless we find our authenticity. If we do, not only will we bring great value to others, but also, those who choose to support us will be the best people we could possibly have in our lives.
