Trump: Let’s Deport New Mexicans
NEW YORK, NEW YORK — Presumptive Republican presidential nominee Donald Trump was stunned to learn during a routine campaign meeting that there is a “New” Mexico flourishing in America’s southwest. “This is exactly what I’ve been warning would happen if we don’t build a wall”, exclaimed the man Republicans have chosen to be our next President, “One day it’s a starving migrant taking a job to work 100 hours a week for well below minimum wage and next thing you know these people have a non-sovereign state established in 1912.”
The revelation came during a recent meeting at Trump headquarters on the topic of electoral math. Per a first hand account from campaign strategist Haddon Vanderbilt III, “We were just reviewing solidly red states and I mentioned New Mexico and all of a sudden Donald’s head shot straight up.” “We tried to explain that New Mexico actually has been part of the United States for over a century, but Donald wasn’t having it. He kept asking how Obama could let this happen.”
After digesting the news Mr. Trump then went on to announce a new proposed policy to deport all New Mexicans that have emigrated to other US states back to their homeland. “Look, I’m sure there are some good New Mexican’s out there. I recently learned that a man I once swindled into investing into Trump branded novelty soaps was from New Mexico. Great guy, good friend of mine, loves me. But that doesn’t change the fact that there are over 2 million undocumented New Mexican’s receiving all the benefits of US citizenship taking jobs that could be done by good hard working Arizonans. Later on the man carrying the Republican torch from Lincoln and Teddy Roosevelt went on to add, ”This is why we are a joke internationally, there’s a reason America has a New Mexico and Russia does not have a New Ukraine. Sad!”
This new policy regarding New Mexicans overshadowed another Trump proposal that US citizens residing east of New York and north of Massachusetts be made to take a loyalty oath to prove that they have no allegiances to Hampshire.
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