Languages of Love: Expressing Love in Different Cultures
“Love”.
A word that can be applied and used for many different things like “I love my mum”, “I love travelling”, or “I love egg tarts”. You can use the same word to express your interest and pleasure in something, as you do when you have a deep affection for someone.
While that is the case for English and many other languages, it differs for others as well. There are different words for “love” in other languages. In Tamil alone there are more than 50 words that mean love.
Here are some of them:
- aruḷ (அருள்) : Love as grace.
- īram (ஈரம்) : Love, tender, soft-feeling towards another; also pity, compassion.
- uruku (உருகு) : Melting inside due to love.
- uvakai (உவகை) : Love in happiness or fulfilling relation.
- kātal (காதல்) : Most common word used for the love between man and woman, but it is also used for the feeling of man to God, passion for something, etc.
- vēḷ (வேள்) : Love, endearing love, friendship.
Identified by psychologist John Lee in the 1970s, there are six different ways in which people approach love. They are derived from classical lexicons of Greek and Latin, which are based on three primary forms of love — ‘Eros’ for passion and desire, ‘Ludus’ for flirtatious, playful affection, and ‘Storgē’ for familial or compassionate bonds of care.
When combined, they create 3 more secondary forms — ‘Pragma’ which refers to a rational, sensible accommodation, ‘Mania’, which signifies possessive, dependent, or troubled intimacies, or ‘Agápē’, which describes charitable, selfless compassion.
While the above study was a good starting point to understanding how love is described in languages, Tim Lomas, lecturer in Positive Psychology at the University of East London, found that there were at least 14 distinct different kinds of love from just analysing 50 languages.
There are also phrases and words that encapsulates specific moments in love too, such as ‘Koi No Yokan’ in Japanese, which refers to the sudden knowledge upon meeting someone that the two of you are destined to fall in love, or ‘Onsra’ in the Boro language of India which describes the bittersweet feeling you get when you know a love won’t last.
Despite the incredibly rich vocabulary some languages have for this emotion, it does not mean that there is no room for misunderstanding when you try to communicate it.
For example, Czech novelist Milan Kundera, once mistook a standard polite greeting at the end of a letter addressed to him by a female colleague, for a genuine declaration of love during his time living in Paris.
In the French language, it is common to sign off letters with “Veuillez agréer, cher Monsieur, l’assurance de mes sentiments distingués”, which translates as “Please accept, dear sir, the assurance of my distinguished feelings”.
Although he had a good grasp of the French language, Kundera’s limited knowledge of sociocultural conventions in French cost him an embarrassing episode of him worrying endlessly on how he should respond to her confession.
“It’s something that’s there, it’s not something we say”
Although we have the words to say “I love you” and express our affection for our loved ones, it doesn’t make it any easier to express it verbally, and can be expressed very differently in some cultures.
Youtubers Rachel and Jun, an interracial couple based in Japan, points out that Japan is not a very verbally affectionate country, which can be quite difficult for people from more verbal cultures to comprehend. Love to them is more about expressing them through action rather than words.
To Jun, love is an act of service, be it through making meals for their loved ones, or doing them little favours to show them that they care. The word ‘Omoiyari’ (おもいやり), which refers to the practice of being thoughtful, considerate and compassionate towards others’ needs, perfectly describes how people in Japan express their love and affection.
There are many ways we can express our affection besides the use of words. Originally based on a book by Gary Chapman, you might have come across The Five Love Languages online quiz at some point. Both book and online quiz tells us that there are five primary ways people show and experience their love — through receiving gifts, quality time, words of affirmation, acts of service and physical touch.
We can see this in the context of Rachel and Jun, where they talk about their preference for gestures or verbal expressions of affection, but there still leaves room for more discussion.
Growing up with a family that isn’t too expressive with their feelings, I find it difficult to tell my parents that I love them, let alone in a romantic setting. However, that is not representative of all Singaporeans. Some are more expressive than others, but by studying untranslatable words from other languages, it can help us gain an insight into the bountiful variety of emotions and bonds that are encompassed in the English word ‘love’.
Written by Chrystal Hooi
