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How to start a super consistent, no-mess fart habit
Spoiler: it’s not beans
Do you prefer your own company? Nothing will help you achieve that better than a reliable fart habit. All you need is a steady supply of gas, and consistent — but controlled! — release of said gas.
If you’re a French bulldog you probably haven’t read this far, because you don’t need to: you already have all the answers. But if you’re a mere human there are simple steps you can take to achieve both dependable flatulence and the blissful solitude which follows.
Diet
Obviously, diet is going to be a major factor in becoming a wind machine. There is one food group which provides the perfect fart fuel, but forget everything you thought you knew, because…
it’s not beans
Don’t get me wrong, beans are a useful component of any flatulence-based diet, but they aren’t the pea-souper superfood.
What you need are brassicas, such as cabbages, broccoli, cauliflower, brussel sprouts, and kale. (Even the humble turnip is a butt-blasting brassica; just choose your turnip with care).
Greens are good, but a balanced diet is better. For proteins, try the fattier meats. These slow down the…
