Not the Median Log

A place for nonsense inspired by misreading the titles of stories from the Medium Blog, Medium Newsletter, and Staff Pick section

Member-only story

Not a Medium Staff Pick

The Tools Will Change. Your Shaft Doesn’t Have To.

The ‘evolution’ of male masturbation

4 min readApr 18, 2025

--

A banana, with one end resting between a pair of plums.
Photo by Deon Black on Unsplash

Ladies First

Women have used sex toys almost as long as there have been women: the earliest dildo known to archaeologists was discovered in 2005, in a German cave¹ already famous for its Paleolithic art and musical instruments. The 20-centimetre siltstone artefact dates from 28,000 years ago, but our toys have evolved over time, with different materials being employed: ancient Greek women played with leather dildos² (and were the first to call them ‘toys’), Ming dynasty women in China used lacquered wood³ phalluses, Elizabethan English women used polished glass,⁴ and in the Edo period of Japan, women bought water buffalo horns⁵ carved into a less dangerous shape (and size).

The vibrator originated in 1869⁶ as a large, coal-powered medical device used to treat ‘hysteria’, but some women found the treatment so effective they sought to continue it at home.

A steam engine geared for a thrusting action, with a rudimentary phallus attached to the thrusting part.
Steam-powered vibrator, patented by George Taylor in 1869.

The invention of electricity made that possible: Joseph Mortimer Granville patented a portable electromechanical vibrator in the…

--

--

Not the Median Log
Not the Median Log

Published in Not the Median Log

A place for nonsense inspired by misreading the titles of stories from the Medium Blog, Medium Newsletter, and Staff Pick section

Marsha Adams
Marsha Adams

Written by Marsha Adams

Autistic author. Usually found hiding behind a book.

Responses (21)