Rappers Who Were Cut From That Mitsubishi Commercial
I’ve been doing a lot of television watching as of late and I keep coming across this commercial from Mitsubishi:
Being thoroughly disinterested in any and all commercials, as well as disliking the Rap genre in general, I decided to do some pointless research regarding the inception of such a nails-against-the-chalkboard advertisement so I could then scream about it into a closet full of ill-fitting clothes.
After 12 minutes of digging I found out that several rappers auditioned for the part but ultimately lost out to someone named Harry Mack, the bearded guy featured in the aired commercial (he’s the one rapping and making the vehicle drivers uncomfortable).
Further investigation uncovered that Mr. Harry Mack (son of Mary, no doubt) was not Mitsubishi’s original choice for the commercial and did little to secure the contract. Mack had to cancel several times due to various made up scheduling issues, which put his commercial rapping prospects at risk.
According to internet sources, at the top of the list was Detroit, MI artist BLinga Cattle Smoke. Mr. Cattle Smoke wrote, recorded and submitted his car themed rap and test drive video to the Mitsubishi board of directors, but the executives decided that the buzz surrounding Mr. Cattle Smoke wasn’t as widespread as their marketing department touted.
It was hard to find, but I was able to track down the recording BLinga Cattle Smoke made, as well as the lyrics in their entirety. In order to keep the public informed, I’ve posted a link to the recording as well as the interesting lyrics. As you’ll see, Mr. Cattle Smoke seems to be completely out of his league on this one. No wonder the Mitsubishi executives rejected his take.
Audio:
Rap About Cars Much?
By BLinga Cattle Smoke (rapper)
Hey you guys
Yes I’m talking to you mister
Have you seen this Mitsubishi that’s on fire?
That is right! I’m a rapper how’d you know that?
If you want you can touch my belly promptly
Anyway, I’m here to tell you bout this new car
It has four wheels and it’s red
Unless you want it to be green
Ok that settles it Red is green now that is final
Look at this!
That’s a pedal, makes the car go
Vroom Vroom Vroom
It’s the sound a engine makes
When you go, to Mcdonalds in your spaceship
Power seats, and Power Rangers that go vroom vroom
Give me five, I am lonely and am haunted
Take a right, I need to go and make a pee pee
Nevermind, I made a pee pee in my jean shorts
Buy this car, don’t forget to slap your uncle
My dad died when a Mitsubishi killed him
I’ll get revenge on the Mitsubishi devils
Homeboy
Home slice of pie
I miss my parents
Yo! Mitsubishi Rap
Johnathan Foster is a writer and non-musician who lives in Portland, OR. His mind is full of secret languages and hardened lumps of natural peanut butter. Just ignore him and move along. I SAID MOVE ALONG!
