What Tituss Burgess and The Work taught me about Imposter Syndrome
The first time I remember feeling imposter syndrome was 7 years ago in New York City. On a whim, I decided to take a 15 hour bus ride from Toronto to New York to join a weekend of musical theatre workshops. It all seemed like a no-brainer — the instructors were people I admired, prominent names in the musical theatre community. I booked my very first Airbnb. I was going to visit my favourite city in the perfect time of year. What more could I ask for?
The glow and allure of NYC lasted about 10 minutes; As soon as I arrived, I felt like a fish out of water. There were 10 of us in the class and as I got to know the other students, I realized I was amongst people who were working actors in New York. Folks who had been on National tours, TV shows, and on Broadway. Many of them knew one another, and our star-studded line up of instructors.
“Hi, I’m Ashley… from Canada.” In true Canadian fashion, I was apologetic even as I introduced myself.
As we learned choreography with a Tony-nominated choreographer, and sang in front of NYC casting directors and prominent composers, I couldn’t shake the feeling that I didn’t belong. Yes, I had gone to musical theatre school, honed my craft, and performed in a handful of shows in Toronto — but at this workshop, I felt like I was out of my league. Waaaaay out of my league. At the time I didn’t have a name for it, but I felt like I shouldn’t be in the same class with these talented, accomplished, spectacular individuals.
On the last day we were scheduled to sing pop songs with Tituss Burgess. You may know Tituss from the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt, 30 Rock, or a handful of broadway shows. There were 2 reasons I felt like I was going to throw up as I waited for my turn to sing for Tituss:
- Out of all of the instructors that weekend, Tituss was the one I really idolized;
- Singing pop isn’t really my thing. I went to school for musical theatre and that was my genre of choice.
Even though I was feeling so down on myself and horrified by the potential disastrous outcome that could ensue, I put my hand up, dropped off my music with the accompanist, and went to the front of the class. Tituss was taking a few notes from the last singer as I took my place. He started to say “Whenever you’re ready” but then stopped himself as he looked up at me and said, “Oh no, you’re ready girl. Okay!”
The music started, I took a breath, and opened my mouth to sing. I sang the first bit of Kelly Clarkson’s Beautiful Disaster before Tituss stopped me, and told me he loved it.
Me. Ashley, from Canada.
He pulled up his chair next to me and I sang directly to him whilst holding his hands. It was magical. After class Tituss told me, “you don’t need to do anything — you are enough, bringing the special quality that you bring”. I practically floated all the way back to my Airbnb. The whole experience was a moment I’ll never forget. While I still greatly admired all of the other artists in that class, I didn’t feel like such an outsider anymore; I was able to recognize my own accomplishments and talent.
It wasn’t until I started my job at Shopify last year that I put a name to that feeling I had experienced at Pearl Studios in New York: imposter syndrome.
Imposter syndrome is defined as “the persistent inability to believe that one’s success is deserved or has been legitimately achieved as a result of one’s own efforts or skills.” I remember listening to the trainer talk about imposter syndrome during my onboarding, but I didn’t expect that it would be something I would experience once I settled into my job.
Spoiler alert: I was wrong.
If I’m being honest, I felt some pretty intense imposter syndrome that lasted 6 months in my job. While I brought a lot of experience to my role, I had so much context to learn once I got started. I was learning Shopify. Learning about our app ecosystem and partner program. Getting to know super smart, accomplished people, building relationships, and working with 2 people who had never worked with an assistant before. I was a non-RnD person who went to musical theatre school, now in a product-driven company. I worried that someone would figure out that I didn’t fit in, and that I wasn’t making enough of an impact.
From my own experience and reading more about imposter syndrome, I’ve discovered some strategies that can help to overcome these feelings.
Talk to people
Telling someone else about the feelings and thoughts that you’re experiencing can feel vulnerable and unnerving, but it’s a great way to get reassurance and gather data on other people’s experiences. You’ll likely find out that you’re not alone, and get another person’s perspective on the scenario that you’re facing or impact you’re having.
Do The Work
Years ago I was introduced to an author and speaker named Byron Katie, and her technique called The Work. You can dive in to learn more about this practice but at its core, The Work is a set of questions that you can apply to a statement to examine it further. The questions include:
- Is it true?
- Can you absolutely know that it’s true?
- How do you react when you believe that it’s true?
- Who would you be without that thought?
I found this technique to be really helpful once I had acknowledged that I was feeling imposter syndrome, and I could dig into some of the thoughts that were crowding my head. The act of writing down your thoughts and contemplating them a bit more deeply can be a meditative practice, and a way to untangle imposter syndrome without judgement.
Practice great self care
Self care is so important for everyday wellbeing, but it’s especially important if you find yourself experiencing imposter syndrome. Taking some time for vacation or doing the things that you enjoy can be a great reset or mental break. Be kind to yourself.
I know that these 2 instances of imposter syndrome likely won’t be my last, and that’s ok. I’m sharing this because I know how it is to look at another person and think that they’ve got all their shit together, but we never really know what’s bubbling beneath the surface. In talking about imposter syndrome and doing more reading about it, I’ve learned that it’s something that so many people experience in one way or another — if you’ve found yourself feeling worried about being “found out” as a fraud, or being paralyzed by a fear of failure, you’re not alone. Give yourself some grace, think about “The Work”, and trust in your own awesome abilities.
You are enough.
You’ve got this.
