chapter 5
reality is wrong, dreams are for real.
hazy thoughts follow me…
into bar. foggy thoughts. thick clouded thoughts. mouth parched. initial symptom dehydration sickness. searching to remedy. walk staggered. sway, dip, stumble. balance lost. initial symptom intoxicated mind.
hazy circumstances follow me. into bar. foggy direction. blanketed vision. searching to remedy dry mouth. found whiskey glass. wets mouth. no hydration. searching to remedy cloudy mind. found whiskey glass. soothes thoughts.
no clarity.
hazy actions follow my presence. foggy interactions. concealed emotion expression. acquaintances duly offer pseudo kinship. pseudo kin surrounds acquaintance. quaint laughs made dissolved by bottom of glass. nose inside empty glass. again.
hazy thoughts follow me…
into bar.
foggy thoughts —
thick, clouded thoughts.
searching to remedy dry mouth. found whiskey glass. wets mouth. no hydration. quaint laughs made dissolved by bottom of glass. nose inside empty glass. again. a glass always half-empty, half-full. completely full, completely empty.
- completely this, always that.
- unfortunate state of mind.
- either or.
- this that.
deserve.
without unjust.
right now my mind is focused on getting to the bar. which is where my legs are taking me. which is where i’m going. finally, my night is headed towards a completion.
a full completion of me and my emaciated mind, right after i ice the fish.
no comprehending present moments. so similar to previous. so familiar. so familiar. foggy intoxicated moments bleed into each another. past. present. future. all. every. pseudo kinship fickle. fickle, disturbing. acquainted kin without filial piety. curing intoxicants with intoxicants, more intoxicants to compound intoxicants. intoxicants comfort an intoxicated mind. do they cure such a mind? or compound?
i love you father. i love you mother.
why intoxicate such a pure, innocent mind? mother father did as judged by generality. conformed to accepted parenting practices. society believes them exceptional parents of children.
- Provided.
- Disciplined.
- Taught.
cannot see minute intimate intimacies belonging to a small child. a big child.
me.
no comprehending present moments. so similar to previous. so familiar. so familiar. intoxicants comfort an intoxicated mind. do they cure such a mind?or compound? cannot see minute intimate intimacies belonging to a small child.
a big child.
Me.
a small child knows how to walk. it can only be taken away. taken and run. taken, filled with disheartenment. intoxicants in place of walk. create running lazy. peeling apart from disheartenment in place of walk. slow, arduous journey. making way home from intoxicating evening. another slow, arduous journey. finding mind’s sobriety after a lifetime of intoxication.
i know where i left it.
peeling apart from disheartenment in place of walk. slow, arduous journey.
making way home from intoxicating evening. another slow, arduous journey. finding mind’s sobriety after a lifetime of intoxication.
i know where i left it.
no memory of present times or past moments. my one saviour. my one tragedy. a keen memory would be the death of me, a keen memory would be the life of me. if only a keen memory would perceive in pleasantries. perceive out intoxicants, i cannot sleep without the comfort of intoxicants, i yearn for nights of sober sleep. i make way to sleeping spot, prior to collapse. collapse upon the weight of intoxicants. i collapse into sleep. ascend mind away from conscious reality, wipe memory clean. peeling apart from disheartenment taking place of walk.
slow, arduous journey.
- a keen memory would be the death of me.
- a keen memory would be the life of me.
- i collapse into sleep.
ascend mind away from conscious reality, wipe memory clean. wiping memory clean of intoxicant comfort, familiar comfort. peeling apart from familiar when familiar intoxicates.
peel away and begin to walk….
Again.
