There are people within your congregation who have either temporary or permanent limitations that reduce their involvement within your church. They are known as the homebound or shut-ins, both of which are inadequate terms because they address people’s limitations rather than their gifts. In many churches, the homebound tend to be older adults whose mobility or health have declined to a point where they cannot attend services.
There are many churches where the lead pastor cannot make all the visitations. In those scenarios, pastoral care teams are formed to help support and care for congregants. Staff and/or lay leaders are sent to provide pastoral care on behalf of the congregation. Here are 3 tips when visiting someone’s home for the first time.
Clearly introduce yourself
Many times someone from the church has notified the congregant that you will be visiting. In times of memory loss, Alzheimer’s disease or other medical conditions the person might not remember that a visitation was scheduled. A quick introduction that provides clarity establishes a great foundation on which the rest of the conversation will be built. In A Guide to Visiting the Sick or Homebound, Cathy Hasty says,
An effective introduction is in a tone that is neutral, confident and open to moving in several directions. Cheerful people can wear out their welcome as fast as those that are depressed or negative. Your goal will be to meet people where they are emotionally and spiritually.
The following introduction guide is a great place to start:
Quickly find common ground
It is crucial that you build trust quickly when visiting a congregant for the first time. Trust can be built by finding common ground. Those who are great at pastoral care have the ability to find common ground quickly with anyone they visit.
People provide clues into their interests, families and travel through pictures and souvenirs displayed within their home. Those items can give ideas for great conversation starters or ice breakers when you first arrive. Be aware of your surroundings but remain focused on the person. Be mindful about looking around too much, this might cause anxiety in the person you are visiting.
For example, you see a photograph of a group on a fishing trip. You might ask.
You: “That’s a great picture! Is this you on a fishing trip?”
Congregant: “Yes, that is me with two guys I worked with for many years.”
You: “That’s really fun! What’s the biggest fish you have ever caught?”
Remember, one of your goals is to meet people where they are emotionally and spiritually. That requires active listening skills. Cathy Hasty went on to say,
Listening is hard sacrificial work, requiring attention, maturity and skills. Some people ask too many questions and interrogate the person, trying to be helpful. Others are too passive and lack initiative in the visit. Pep talks and encouragement can be a sign of the speaker’s anxiety, and may not be helpful. Your desire to help can actually harm the person, creating dependency and a sense of inadequacy. The art is to be active enough to let the speaker decide the direction of the conversation. Minimize advice, judgments, comparisons or corrections: THIS IS MORE DIFFICULT THAN IT SOUNDS!
Be conscious of time
There is no standard length of time for a home visit. Let the duration of your visit be dictated by the circumstances and capacity of the person(s) you are visiting. The only way to know how long to stay is to be attentive to the details and non-verbal cues given by the person you are caring for.
- Is the person tired and uncomfortable following a surgery? Your time could be quite short.
- Is the person engaged in conversation with you or do they seem interested in a tv show they are watching?
- Are there other people around who seem happy to have you or does it seem that the current timing of your visit is inconvenient?
What might seem like a short stay to you might be the exact right timing based on the circumstances. It is not about how you feel but how the person you are visiting feels. Be ready for each visit to differ in length.
Don’t overstay your welcome.
Typically congregants will not directly ask you to leave so it falls on you to judge the situation and leave when it is most appropriate.
Each church, denomination and faith tradition has different methods and traditions when it comes to prayer and scripture reading during a visitation. Pastor David Murray, Senior Pastor of First Byron Center CRC, said in his blog post titled A “Normal” Pastoral Visit:
There are pastors who prefer to get straight to the “spiritual” by starting with Bible reading and prayer. In some of the Dutch Reformed churches, the people have been trained to expect that from their pastors, and that’s great. However, probably for most of us, getting people to talk about their souls is not an easy matter, and it is best to “warm” the conversation up a bit first.
Don’t rush the process but be aware of time.
As your time together comes to a close it is important to show your appreciation for their time. For example, “Thank you for your time today. I enjoyed spending time with you.”
Make closing comments about significant themes with any actions that you are going to take. “We have talked about your concerns about your upcoming surgery. I said I would call your daughter and let her know of your concern.”
Clearly introducing yourself, quickly finding common ground and not overstaying your welcome will put you in a position to care for your congregants in meaningful ways. Each home visitation will be different but your presence will be impactful in ways that you may never know.
There are often details from the conversation you do not want to forget. There are also times you need to notify your team of the visit. You can easily log interactions and notes about your conversation using Notebird.
