Moving to a (totally not) new life
It’s been a while since I last wrote, but mostly because I didn’t have the time and the will to write anything. I was too busy with my moving and also with my new job.
Currently I’m working as a 電気や(Denkiya/Electrician) for construction. It’s a blue collar job as they say. Since I have zero knowledge with this, it’s been extra hard for me, but kinda fun… and dangerous. Still, better then working in a factory. The freedom and pace are a lot different.
Do I like it? It’s interesting, sometimes fun. Factory jobs are easy and repetitive, not exactly interesting, not always fun, most of the times, at least at the bakery factory, really close to shit. So, yeah, I kinda of like it, but I do have to admit, I can’t imagine myself doing this for a long time as some of the brazilians do.
I had take the certifications tough. It’s mandatory to take one so you can at least become an apprentice of electrician. The other one is for driving the lifts. And all of that is in japanese only, but there’s a catch: since the demanding for laborers on construction related jobs are so freakishly high, they facilitate a lot. There’re a lot of foreigners (not only brazilians) that knows ZERO japanese and pass. It’s quite ridiculous and I felt like cheating… I don’t cheat.
The japanese instructors actually tell the answers or guide the people that don’t know japanese to the right answer to the test. Which is a series of phrases that you have to circle if you think it’s right, or cross it if you think it’s wrong.
Anyways, since I went to the trouble to pay and take those licenses, I’ll stay doing this for a while. And I’m learning some interesting and useful stuff, what is really great.
Sometimes it’s funny how things work out. I mean, when I was serving my notice at the dooms baker factory, I was getting despaired to find a new job. The last week I actually went to an interview at the electrician company that I’m currently working and, although they were not accepting newbies, they heard my situation and decided to give my a chance.
Ok, so I needed an apartment, but in such a short term and being a foreigner without relatives, that would be hard, if not impossible. And trust me, being a brazilian foreigner is even worse. So the company actually worked with a real state agency to rent apartments for their employees, since I wanted to rent on my own, they introduced me to the real state agent and I got an apartment on the same day.
I hadn’t had much luck since I arrived in Japan, but gotta say… all that unlucky got overcompensated in those few months.
I rented a loft, a two store apartment. You can’t stand up on the second floor, so it’s basically a huge room. More then the biggest place I lived here in Japan, so it’s perfect, specially because this time it’s actually a place that I can call it mine. It’s not a sub-located apartment from a company. It’s actually my space and I chose it. So… it feels less of a place, and more of a house.
Still… far from being a home.
And that what made me come back to writing.
Always writing.
When you move to a new house you keep yourself busy. A new house and a new job that you know nothing about, double… scratch that… triple busy. It keeps your mind occupied with things that you must do and must schedule. Things new and old. Put order to your stuff, see what new stuff you need and where to put it.
Both for the house and the job.
But it’s not a new life.
That made me think. It doesn’t matter if you go to a new house. To a new city. To a new country…. probably doesn’t matter even if it’s a new whole planet. You can’t get a new life.
You can’t run.
You can’t just make all of your problems desapear.
It’s one of those cases that you can run, but you can’t hide.
There’s no such a thing of a new life just by changing places.
No new starts. No new life. No new beginnings.
I truly though that was possible, but now, after so many “jumps” I realized: you can’t.
No matter how far you are running (by quoting Dave Matthews song). How far you go. Your problems will come back to you. They could take a while to catch up, but they will most definitely catch up to you. And the distance you manage to keep from it, will only make it worse when the unavoidable time comes.
You’ll have to face them. You’ll have to deal with your problems one time or the other. That’s inevitability. And it doesn’t get easier. Doesn’t get better.
On the contrary.
It only gets harder and harder, and depressive.
And how to cope with it?
I don’t have any idea. But one thing I hope: only after dealing with those things. Only after you cope with you problems. With your afflictions, even if by catharsis. That you can start a new life. Have a new beginning. Have a fresh start. Before that, it’s just running. It’s just cowering and saying out loud that you’re facing your problems, when in fact you’re just burring it and running from it like there’s no tomorrow. And it’ll never be one…
Another thing I know: It’s not easy.
It never is…
Specially when you’re alone and all of your friends. All the people you can count on. Those who truly care for you…. are so far away.
Sometimes, when you run away from your troubles… you are also running away from the people who could help you deal with them.
And your troubles will follow.
Your friends won’t.
They’ll be there for you. But that’s it.
When you realize this… you realize that you’ll be facing a giant alone.
Even if you can’t win.
Even if you can’t face it.
You get beat and left to nothingness.
Still no new life. No new beginnings. Just someone that has being crushed by something huge, that keeps coming back for more.
Strangely, you just stand again. Feeling nothing. No joy, no sorrow… just a numbness of elusiveness hope.
That also kicks you.
