Thank You Notes : My Beautiful Girlfriend: Ravjot Singh
In my last post, I wrote about the friends who have had impacts on my life. I know it might have been quite the long read but I believe if you sit down and reflect at what kind of company you keep, you realize the kind of mark some of them leave on you. In this post, I want to tell you guys some stories about my life before I met my girlfriend and during our time together.
Anyway, before I get all mushy, let me start off with some background.
They say that if you find someone who just makes you a better person, hold on to that person. Oooooooh, a cliché. Yes, clichés are definitely overused and some of them get devalued with use because we all find ways to describe any situation with a cliché. But there are some that just simply apply.
I’m new to the internet (sort of) and most of you don’t know me so I hope you don’t mind if I talk about my past a bit. I won’t go too far in depth — at least not yet.
I used to be one bitter and angry dude. I had a lot of pent up aggression. Happiness was a foreign concept to me. I blamed society and the world for anything and everything. I always looked at the negative side of things. I was a “glass half empty” kind of a dude.
What’s more, I was a “robot”. Now, what do I mean by that? I had almost programmed answers and I definitely knew how to follow orders or directions but I didn’t not attempt any kind of creative approach to anything I did. That can get you by in most NYC high schools but in college? Not a chance, especially if you chose degrees like computer science and math.
Some of you may be thinking, “That’s science. Why do you need any kind of artistic or creative merit to that?” There’s this negative stigma that follows artists and the “creative types”. People like to say they don’t have a marketable or profitable skill. I’d like to humbly disagree. Creativity and the humanities should be emphasized throughout our lives as a complement to science. Now, I can speak to computer science but I’m sure this applies to other sciences as well; you’re creating something. Sure, you have resources like Stack Overflow that give you a lot of help and even the answers. But here’s the thing: that’s not problem solving. You can regurgitate answers but that doesn’t mean you understand them and it certainly doesn’t mean you can problem solve efficiently. So, in comes Ravjot Singh to flip the switch in my life.
A Change in Perspectives. A Change in Values.
Rave (that’s what I call her) and I have been together for 4+ years. We started dating on April 16th, 2013. About half our relationship was long distance. Yeah, I’m still trying to figure that one out. We spent the last half of our first year together arguing about ideals. I was very much one of those peeps who had disdain for people and even more disdain for “creatives”.
You know when you’re a kid and you think you have the answers to everything in life and your way is the “right” way (by the way, in this case, “kid” refers to teenagers between ages 13–19 and in my case, from 20–23, as well)? Yeah, that was me. You can see it in my face up there. What a prick I was.
An argument would go something like this:
Her: You should try to be more creative.
Me: Everything has a formula. I just need to follow the formula and I will eventually find all the answers.
Her: Do you know why you’re so miserable? It’s because you pigeonhole yourself. You compress yourself into box when you want to be more free.
And then next thing we know, it’s 4 AM and I have class at 8 AM. I found that we argued especially hard when I had an exam the next day. Gotta memorize the formulas right? Once I had the formula, all was okay! Right? Yeah, except I had no idea how to use the formula when the problem didn’t fit the formula as expected. Or how about this? Derive a new formula from the current formula? Or in the case of life, when there isn’t always a formula to be seen, what the hell do I do then?
But as hard-headed as I was, I kept resisting what she was saying because I had all the answers.
Look at her and then look at me. I also just said that we argued consistently. She stayed with me. She keeps choosing me. It took about a year for me to even consider what she said as an option.
In 2014, I was fully transitioned to a computer science and math double degree program. She and I started dating at the eclipse of my biochemistry/chemistry college career. Computer science definitely spoke to me. I took an “Intro to Computer Science” class in Python and it felt so wonderful to create something virtually from nothing. But I was experiencing burnout at the same time. I spent the first 3 years of my college career being about as ineffective as I possibly could, and that basically log jammed anything and everything in my brain. Not only did I switch degrees three years into college, I am now scrambling to learn something completely new. I had never touched anything computer science related. If you want to count making some basic themes for MySpace (yeah, remember that?) then sure. But I also hadn’t done that for ten years so… What’s more, for so long, I held back my emotions because I thought emotions made me weak. I spent most of 2014 upset and burned out and there she was — always there for me.
She and I spoke every night. There would be some allotted time every night where we would talk and it would mostly be me ranting about how life is hard. Everyday it would be some kind of complaint about how I don’t understand anything in computer science or even in math, my once very strong subject. It would take me much longer to understand something than compared to all my peers. We would follow up my constant bitching by watching TV shows on Hangouts. Our favorite one was Lost at the time. How apropos.
By now, you, the readers, probably have figured out that I was one tough person to deal with. I was arrogant about my beliefs and I was depressed about life. How does anyone deal with that toxic combination? Rave did. And she did it so well. She always checked in on me throughout day. She would encourage me to try different things than just the directions in my computer science projects. She encouraged me to take more creative courses. She encouraged me to write. She encouraged me to rekindle my passion for photography. She always said she saw something in me. She knew I could be more than what I was doing. I never saw it. I met her encouragement with doubt and thought she was delusional. I am not joking with you. But she kept on pushing and pushing.
She encouraged me to sleep more because I kept staying up until 3 AM studying. She thought it did more harm than good. She was right. But I didn’t listen. I kept saying, “I need to study. I don’t know enough.” Truth is, I never really studied effectively or sometimes at all. I’d just get depressed that I don’t understand something when I looked at it. Truth is, I was probably lazy or just unmotivated to put in more work because I was so burned out. The catch 22: I was happy with my current degrees but I was so burned out. Summer breaks weren’t enough time for me to recuperate. I had to think about internships when I only took a few intro courses. I was cramming a computer science and math degree in what I was hoping to be 2 years since I knew I wasn’t going to graduate in the “typical” four years. She even encouraged me to take a break. I wasn’t having any of it.
It’s 2015 and the compounding effects of my very toxic lifestyle have really weighed me down…Literally and figuratively. I ballooned up to about 300 pounds. Mind you, I’m 5'6". Now, this isn’t about trying to “fat shame” or anything like that. I was living a really unhealthy lifestyle. I did not set myself up for any kind of longevity whatsoever. I’m pretty sure if we tracked my credit card purchases in early 2015, there would be a period of 15–20 days where I ate a Five Guys burger daily… Sometimes multiple times daily. I did not exercise or anything. I just sat down or most of the time, laid on my stomach watching some YouTube. All I did was sleep, go to class (barely) and did some useless stuff on the computer.
There was once a period of time where I’d simply sleep 12 hours a day and miss class. I developed nightly nightmares where I would be sitting at the dinner table of my apartment looking at registration for the following semester and I would notice, on my class sheet, a class that I don’t remember ever going to throughout the semester and the grades showed 0’s for everything. I know, it’s a cheesy nightmare but with the way I was acting, I’m surprised I made it out of college at all. I’m even more surprised I didn’t sustain any long term damage to myself.
Rave was getting worried. More worried than usual. So were my parents (who I will introduce later on in this obviously, unexpectedly very long post). It got to a point where I freaked them out by being radio silent for more than a few minutes.
I took a class that summer with a friend. His name is Akshay, who I introduced as one of my best friends in the previous post. Rave encouraged me, no, pleaded with me to be healthier. She always brought up how I loved photography since I was in high school and even when I was a kid still having those old Polaroid cameras stored somewhere at home. I didn’t have the money to buy a camera but Rave really encouraged to use my credit card to buy a camera for my the summer and my (and what everyone hoped would be) my final semester in college. We actually argued a bit about that as well. I told her that I don’t want to go into debt and she taught me that there are certain things you have to do or to sacrifice when it comes down to doing what is best for you.
This is a philosophy that many people disagree with; present company included but clearly my philosophies were on point. I had all the answers, am I right?
I consider above the turning point of my life. Look, I’ll be the first one to tell you that I probably had no reason to be upset. I acted childish and immature and was extremely hard-headed. It happened. But I credit the turning point of my life to Rave for being so persistent and trying to help me.
The thing is, I didn’t really talk to anyone about my issues. Mistake #1. Rave pried it out of me every single time. I didn’t talk about them because I didn’t want to be a burden on anyone else. It’s college. People have their own problems to deal with. But Rave actively made my issues hers. To which I apologize greatly for. But don’t worry there will be a nice portion of this post thanking her and apologizing to her.
Akshay and I went to a Best Buy and I bought a Nikon D3300. I instantly started taking some photos when we got back to our apartment. It felt really liberating. That’s really the best way I can describe it. I felt unhinged in a good way. It was just a start. I started taking a few photos everyday, and Akshay can attest to this: My mood greatly changed. I had more motivation, more fire, more emotion (other than being down on life). But what about computer science and math? I’d argue that because I forced myself to be creative with photography, I developed new ways of thinking in computer science and math. The problem? I was so incredibly far behind in everything. For the last 2 years of college, I crammed in two degrees. Don’t ask how cause I’m also, to this day, trying to figure that out.
Rave even noticed my change in attitude. Our conversations were more full of life. I know I made her really happy when I started to change the way I thought and the way I did things. One day, during my last semester, I called her crying. Not out of misery. I did enough of that. Out of joy. After all this time, she stuck with me. I’m pretty sure if she went to school with me, she would have attached herself to my hip.
So, now that I got some of the background out of the way, Rave, my love, I know you will be reading this at some point: I love you with everything I can possibly give. You had more than one occasion to simply give up on what I thought was a lost cause: me. But you never did. You stuck with me. You did your absolute best to make sure I was on the right track. I was nowhere near it and I was resistant in changing my tracks but you kept pushing and pushing and pushing. I don’t know who else would have done that for me. You’re such a kind and loving person. You are wise beyond your years. You took a miserable prick like me and turned him into someone who is happy and has some kind of purpose. You gave that to me. You helped me become a more well rounded person through my studies in science and art. I am reversing the damage I have done to myself slowly but surely. You have given me everything a human being can possibly give another. I will be spending the rest of my life paying that back and I don’t mind that at all.
On top of all that you have done for me, you have done a lot of service to this world as well through your humanitarian work and your very cool and impactful film ideas. You genuinely care about people. You want what’s best for this planet. You are willing to help anyone and everyone.
You are also unbelievably beautiful and have an awesome sense of style.
Thank you for being who you are and being in my life. I love you.
