Grief

Mourning My Aunt, A Grief Journal

Part One

PlainTalkBadManners
Doctor, Writer, Mother, Life
8 min readJun 16, 2023

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My aunt gifted me potted orchids and they survived for years, in spite of me. I ought to have repotted them and figured out how to care for them but I was negligent. And after many years, they died. Here they are in a phase of life I’ll call ‘Resiliently Hanging In There.’(Author’s photo)

Day one

How I feel today — bereft.

How I felt yesterday — unfocused, tired. I struggled to get tasks done. If I didn’t have external commitments I’d probably have stayed in bed, waking only to eat and brush my teeth.

When my husband asked me about my day, and how I was — I scribbled my answer in pencil on scrap paper. I’d never done that before. It’s hard to explain it, but I felt if I answered him directly I’d explode with irritation — though he’d asked a routine question with no ill intent.

How I felt the day before — like staying in bed; sleepy especially in the afternoon, despite going to bed before 8:00 pm the night before.

It was like the way I felt on the weekend before the funeral, though the feeling was less profound. There was a loneliness to the feeling too. Nobody in my household was indifferent about her sudden passing but they weren’t feeling what I was feeling. My aunt took care of me when I was little and since I’ve been living in London, called me every weekend. She made me laugh and I’d joke I hadn’t laughed all day, so I was grateful. She showed her love in so many different ways.

The weekend before her funeral I felt no ease till I rang up her partner Greg, and…

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PlainTalkBadManners
Doctor, Writer, Mother, Life

Ex-Doctor, Ex-Catholic, Ex-Muslim. Climate Worrier & Wannabe Climate Warrior. Novelist. Human. Label resistant. https://thefriendlyradicalnextdoor.substack.com/