Lessons From A Sensei On How To Be If Your Guy Loses On Tuesday
Here in New England, we’re hearing about possible pre-Halloween snow starting tomorrow morning. It will be beautiful and help us all look forward to the festivals of light and celebrations of the solstice. Yet, snow also serves as a reminder of everything that is piling up around us, seemingly without end. COVID, the election, strife between good and decent Americans, fires, hurricanes, economic insecurity, loved ones dead without any one to mourn them.
Layer falling upon unresolved layer.
I wonder a lot about how to “be,” in these parlous times. Most especially, right now, I am thinking about how to “be” if my guy loses on Tuesday. It will be a big left hook to the head. I might be laid out on the canvas.
No matter who your guy is, a loss is going to hurt.
I went back to one of my go-to mentors, the late George Leonard, renowned writer, teacher and aikido sensei. In his book The Way of Aikido, there is a chapter called “Taking the Hit as a Gift.”
He wrote that hits “are generally energizing. Though unpleasant, they represent a gift of additional energy. The question is, how do you use such a gift? One of the most effective exercises that has come from aikido involves recontextualizing the energy of a hit as ki (or “life force” — my italics), then using the ki, not only to deal with the hit but to have extra ki left over to put to positive uses”
Part of my lifetime quest has been to “Be prepared,” probably owing to the Boy Scout motto.
I boxed and did martial arts, hoping to somehow embody a state of being prepared, like good posture. I’m clear that I have never gotten to anywhere near the depth Leonard describes. Imagine viewing a hit as energizing.
Before late Tuesday night, or whenever we know the results, we could still meditate on the sensei’s advice for how to deal with a hit. None of us needs to be a black belt in anything.
He notes three reactions to a hit, all of which are useless.
One is immediate counterattack. Fighting back reflexively only gives additional power to the problem.
Next is whining. Being a victim is unattractive and self-defeating, inviting misfortune without redemption.
Last is denial. “This doesn’t bother me, I can handle it.” If practiced long enough, there’s a good chance you’ll get to be too good at it.
Instead, he suggests practicing the way of aikido.
Experience and acknowledge what you’re feeling. Don’t pretend it doesn’t suck.
Center, ground, and breathe deeply. The first thing we forget to do is breathe.
Become aware of the additional energy now available due to the sudden hit. This is powerful information, akin to how Mike Tyson was taught to use his fear in the ring.
Use the energy of the hit wisely. Be aware that you now have assembled a kind of currency available for any purpose you choose.
I would add another.
Remember, as Steven King put it, you’re not the only sailor on the Pequod. You have many people in your life with whom to share this hit. No need to bear it alone (even if at a distance).
You’re not “terminally unique,” especially cursed, or a victim.
Leonard notes “Ultimately, it comes down to a matter of choice. Do you really want to say yes to life, not nearly for the extrinsic rewards it might bring but basically for its own sake? I have no doubt whatsoever that ‘yes’ is the sign post I want to follow into the future.”
