‘Real Life’
It happened. What they said would happen when we left Art of Hosting and Harvesting Conversations That Matter (AoH). The facilitators said that the openness, emergence, creativity, connectedness and other un-nameable experiences would be dulled in the ‘Outside World’, that I would have to do The Work to regain some of the ‘Real Life’ we had been guided towards over those four months three days at the end of January.
Well now it’s February 27th and I realized that not only did I not submit my Reflection but the ‘Outside World’ of work and home and appointments and travel and snowshoeing and friends and family and and and and and quickly took over the ‘Real Life’ that was so enlightening to me a month ago.
So I’m starting by Hosting Myself. Checking in, sitting in my differences, looking at my constructed divide of time constraints and work demands, and taking a few moments for myself in meditation. Breath In, Breath Out, Repeat.
I came to Art of Hosting to learn how to host complex conversations about poverty and reducing social and economic isolation. What I came away with extends beyond the valuable tools, resources, practices, planning guides, methods and theories of AoH. The first exercise in asking for what I need and offering what I can empowered me to parle en français plus que jamais before dans une tel gathering. Et fait des erreurs. Et walk through the mistakes et apprendre. Later that evening I had an aha moment quand j’ai realizé que j’etais pensé EN FRANCAIS pour la premiere temps dans mon vie (est je ne fais le correction Google Translate pour ca ici) J’etais plein de confiance, je suis si fier dans mon cababilities dans ce moment et le futur fait en ouverte pour moi dans le facon que n’ai jamais en avant.
Hearing about how others perceived themselves as different and honouring my own difference stirred up my own ‘Itty Bitty Shitty Committee’ at times. Other times I felt truly blessed to have such a unique perspective to share. Sitting in the practice, realizing my mistakes (sometimes after reflection, sometimes after seeing the results like people closing up or realizing I’ve briefly checked out of a conversation) showed me where I need more practice and to be real and vulnerable with others.
I noted a Resistance to sharing myself, and a recognition of tendencies to please others at the expense of myself but the process of AoH allowed me to break through that (especially during the FishBowl) and jump in with both feet into The Work.
I’m committed to maintaining that connection to my Real Life, inner life, and hosting Conversations That Matter with my entire authentic self. I am full of Gratitude for the ceremony of change that brings me to this moment. Now. Where I still don’t feel totally ‘ready’ to host others, but willing and open to doing it anyways, to making mistakes and responding to things are still in motion, pushing up through the dark with ideas that beg to be shared, invitations that are lying in wait to be sent.
It is emerging.
Michelle Davidson-Legere, Rogersville, New Brunswick
