June 2021 Musings
Scary things vs Dangerous things, our tendency to hold back as we age and having the courage to pursue our projects
Hey there,
June passed by in a flash once again. It has been a rather busy and tiring month for me.
Being consistent is hard, I am weak in communicating my thoughts and ideas. It takes me a lot of effort to sit down and write. I collect information and read a lot on a daily basis. But these are useless if I don’t take time to reflect on them to internalise the information.
This month I had a wonderful gathering with my best friends whom I’ve known since university days. It was done virtually via WhatsApp. You know that feeling when we were young, wild and free? I was reminiscing about how it was like for us that childlike careless confidence. We are friends for more than a decade. A decade changes people.
The decisions and choices we made during this decade have shaped us. Choosing to be in a relationship with a romantic person, our first job or many other jobs after graduation, having children and moving abroad.
Each of us made different choices that lead us to different outcomes today. If we had not met each other earlier in our lives, I believe that we would not be friends now. All of us are leading different lives now, living in different countries, working in different industries, phases of life (singlehood and motherhood). All six of us ladies are still connected via the threads from the past, shared memories and our love for travel.
Another thing that I’ve noticed was that all of us was perhaps becoming more scared as we grow older. Somehow during the past 10 years, fear has grown in all of us in different forms.
This brings us to the quote of the month. I could see clearly how my best friends current situation are dangerous and how they are crippled by the fear as they are scared to make changes. I am possibly facing the same dilemma.
The trick is to understand your difference between scary and dangerous. Once you know that, you can use these distinctions to evaluate your options — ideally with a clearer perspective.
- Recognize the scary but not dangerous things in life and be more open to them
- Assess your life for dangerous but not scary things and address them
Thank you for reading,
Ying Ying
Quote of the month
There are plenty of things that are scary, but not dangerous. And there are things that dangerous, but not scary — those are the things that get you. — Jim Koch
Jim Koch, the founder of Samuel Adams Brewery, came up with this quote. When Jim debated whether to leave his comfortable and convenient job to start a microbrewery, he realized the decision was scary but not dangerous.
In other words, it would be frightening to start and grow a business, but it wouldn’t put him in harm’s way. If he planned and prepared as best he could, he would be fine.
At the same time, Jim saw that staying in a job that didn’t inspire and motivate him was dangerous but not scary because it would eat away at his vitality over time. So Jim made the leap and started Samuel Adams. For Jim, scary but not dangerous meant starting a business, and dangerous but not scary meant staying in a dreary career.
Life rewards those who take risks. While it is easy to stay in our current status quo, we are at the mercy of society. If society can train you, it can train someone else and replace you.
We all need a little bit of courage and perhaps some nudging from our loved ones so that we can not be frozen in our steps even though danger is near or do things out of fear.
If we continue to live in fear, we might miss the opportunity to come alive.
Challenges & Learnings of the month
We have decided to postpone our wedding
Our initial plans to have our wedding reception on 3rd July is postponed since there was an increased community outbreak with the more contagious Delta variant. But, on the bright side, we have gotten our first dose of the vaccine and gyms are finally opened!
Lackadaisical attitude towards work
This month I was faced with a work crisis — sort of. Working for an agency, we have a delicate relationship with our clients, and we are often stuck in the middle when it comes to being at the short end of the stick. This was evident during Covid, where such external outsourcing costs would likely be the first to be cut.
So we had to do whatever we can to ensure that we still could get paid. This means going out of your job scope as an employee. I mean, if the company does not survive, you would be out of a job, right?
Then I realised, I have reached a stage where I don’t give a shit anymore. Perhaps I am tired and bored about the things I’m doing, perhaps I’ve reached a point in my career to be jaded that I stopped trying hard.
I missed the times where I do care about things.
And so, even when I know that my job was threatened during the crisis, I didn’t ‘work’ my butt off to solve the problem and did the bare minimum. It sucks to feel like that. But at the same time, I don’t have the pressure nor motivation, maybe because I know that I can still survive without this job (with my savings).
I want to be obsessed with what I’m doing and find my Ikigai.
What I have been reading and consuming
What Makes You Come Alive by Sean Aiken
Sean Aiken’s TEDx talk about his One Week Job project about what most of us faced — Self-actualisation and the pursuit of passion.
Traditionally, a fulfilling life meant finding a well-paying job that offered security. Simply to pay the bills, and if you enjoyed it, you were one of the lucky ones.
There’s a major shift taking place, a shift in how we as a culture view work and our relationship to it. No longer is our work something that we merely endure. Our work is becoming ever more connected to our life’s work, a precious opportunity to share our unique gift with the world.
The people who are the most passionate about their work are the ones who are connected to the meaning behind it. The actual job isn’t nearly as important as the relationship with it. They need to show up to work everyday because they contribute their gifts, and the world is made better because of it. And yet, our career is only one means of expressing our gifts, one means of fulfilling our passions. For some, working a job to pay the bills, allows them to explore their passions outside of work.
During the past year of lockdown, I have been on a journey to explore projects outside of work. Exploring new ways of earning money (through options trading), sharing knowledge (through writing and youtube).
How to Turn Life Around by Haiying Yang
Covid is a turning point for many, perhaps it is a season where many of us have discovered that our lives are stagnant. Living life is about having responsibility. Life without responsibility is miserable. Responsibility nourishes our souls.
Hai Ying shared that responsibility is could be caring for our loved ones, children or even our work. Through responsibility, we can discover meaning in our lives.
Writing and Youtube is challenging. It’s hard. But I’m encouraged by Haiying’s sharing. And this reminds me of a quote from the Matrix movie that I’ve rewatched recently.
Human beings define their reality through suffering and misery — Agent Smith from The Matrix
A Project of One’s Own by Paul Graham
Rediscovering your hobbies without fear. As adults, we find it difficult to summon the careless confidence we had as a child. Children are undeterred by the fear of failure.
We often find ourselves holding back, considering things whether would it be worthwhile.
If your projects are the kind that makes money, it’s easy to work on them. It’s harder when they’re not. And the hardest part, usually, is morale. That’s where adults have it harder than kids. Kids just plunge in and build their treehouse without worrying about whether they’re wasting their time, or how it compares to other treehouses.
What are the things that you would do in the purest sense, just out of love?
This writing is first posted here.
