I Can’t Hear You Over the Sound of Me Judging You

We Are 40
We Are 40
Feb 19, 2015 · 2 min read

By Summer Lopez

Via FXX; Archer Vice Promo.

I am judging you.

I am judging you because you recommended Twilight like it was good.

I am judging you because you don’t use Apple products.

I am judging you because you have shitty taste in TV.

I am judging you because you feel more passionate about vinyl than Anything Else In The Universe.

I am judging you because you bullied me in high school and now want to be my Facebook friend.

I am judging you because you are the Problem and not the Solution.

I am judging you because you vote your paycheck.

I am judging you because you made me listen to Sugar Magnolia — a lot.

I am judging you because you think a lot is one word. And because you don’t use spell check.

I am judging you because you don’t watch Archer so you don’t understand the title or point of this story.

I am judging you because you make too much money and talk about it like everyone else does, too.

I am judging you because as a woman you should Fucking Know Better.

I am judging you because you are a man and do not Follow My Rules.

I am judging you because you are not a SF Giants fan.

I am judging you because you are a Critic and not a Creator.

I am judging you because you are not a Cat Person.

I am judging you because you shame and spank your kids.

I am judging you because you have no Meaningful Worldview.

I am judging you because you don’t use your turn signal — ever.

I am judging you because you don’t think It is a big deal because you don’t even get It.

I am judging you because you don’t like me.

I am judging you because I Am Right and You Are Wrong.

I am judging you because I Know Best.

I am judging you because I can.

I am judging you because you judge me.

Summer Lopez is a writer living in California. Politics, entertainment, and memoir are equal parts her subject matter. She also publishes We Are 40, a zine for Generation X, and Lost in a Book, a kid lit review.

WE ARE 40

We were Slackers. We were Hipsters.

We Are 40

Written by

We Are 40

Published by Summer Lopez

WE ARE 40

WE ARE 40

We were Slackers. We were Hipsters.