Aug 9, 2017
A Goodbye to my Students
And yes, I did actually write this for my students
So I was sitting around at home watching High School Musical for like the thousandth time (I know, right?) and I was promising to teach my cat Morse code only if he explained to me what that look he always gives me actually means, and I realized that I had to complete this write-up for the yearbook. I know I could have written “blah, blah blah it was a great five years…blah blah blah thanks for the memories…blah blah blah good luck in the future…blah blah blah don’t forget me”, but we all know how boring and predictable that is, and I think you all know me by now I am many things but not boring.
Smart? Yes.
Handsome? Of course.
HI-larious? You know it!
A lover of European ducks? Naturally.
Someone you were always a little worried about sanity-wise? Why not!
Caveman-rugged? Very very rarely if the light hit me at the right angle — BUT not boring! To finally come clean I do like boring into various inanimate objects on weekends with my Disney Princess drill set, until I get bored. I mean bored with the activity not by it. Can I bore myself? Am I doing it right now? Ouch?
I just couldn’t complete that sort of write-up not even out of spite or revenge or hunger. I mean I could go on and on about how great you all were and how much we all remember the events — like the Bison-inspired yogurt sculpture building, the 24-hour debate all conducted with interpretive dance, the cheese string “relay” followed the next day by the “cheese string” relay which naturally led to the “cheese” string “relay” (after that week we were all exhausted and completely confused), and of course (my personal favourite) the event where everyone wore entirely black clothes, painted their skin all black, and were blindfolded and then came to the gym and stood there, in silence, for 10 hours with the lights completely off — that event was “freaky!” and I heard from myself that it was “quite possibly the night of my life” and “an event not to be missed, if, somehow, you could travel back in time and do that night again and then not miss it” (strangely, I didn’t bump into anyone else that evening and whenever I talk to others about it, everyone “pretends” that they don’t know what I’m talking about…everyone else was there…right?…Oh no!…I feel so alone and not so smart. What’s that? You want to do it again next Monday! I should wear my blindfold and you’ll meet me there? Yes!!!).
Now that this is all over I can’t stop thinking about all of the great students I was…what’s the word for it again?…(fortunate/fated/spent money begging to work with/pleaded them not to leave me/bribed them with frosting/bought them olives)…qualified to counsel.. I’ll never forget that guy who was always “like this and like that and like this” and that girl with “the hair” and that group who always was hanging by the place by that other place close to “you know where” and those others who were always “all up in there” except when they weren’t or someone else got there first and I know we’ll never forget “The Big Cheese” and “The Willow Tree” — I know we all agree, their spirit and their quiet and mysterious leadership was an inspiration to us all.
This was always about the students for me. I thought for a while about making it all about something else. And I did think about that for quite a while, but had no ideas that day. I know? Can you believe it? Zero creative ideas? (or I should say, one really great idea, but it was way too expensive and involved tons and tons of purple glitter and I was too lazy) So, it became (and stayed) all about the students. Gotta love those students!
What does the future hold? Are you in fact the leaders of tomorrow? (or at least good at sweeping up after the leaders?) One can only hope or else this has all been a colossal waste of time. Got you! Ha ha ha! It was! (Actually it wasn’t a waste of time. We considered it, but then we all agreed after some deliberation that it should not be solely a waste of time, only partially…like right now as you read this…) But seriously, the world is your oyster. That’s right! — think about that for a while……And we’re back! Anyone hungry for oysters?
Whether you decide to go to school (Great choice! More School!), work (Work? Now, THAT’S what I’m talking about!), travel (oh? You went there! Or are going there next year. Then next year you can call me up and I’ll say “Oh, snap! You went there!” Or Would I say “you are there?”) or something else (Yeah, “something else!” I love me some “something else!” I just can’t stop talking about “something else” — I’m always like “something else?” and everyone is like “yes, weirdo” probably just to get me to stop talking). I can’t wait to hear about everything you do in the future. I’d also like to use my other senses to. Just sayin’.
Collectively you all kept it real. I really appreciated that from all of you. You served me up a big bowl of realness every other Thursday with the best garlic croutons a counsellor could expect. The reality of your realness kept me going through the hard times and all of the sweat and tears and all of the sand…so much sand, hot and dry — my eyes still burn from all of that sand. Also the stove. That also burns me. “Watch out for the hot stove” my mom used to tell me. How I miss those days — being a young boy, hanging out with my mom and that stove, it was like a brother to me…Anyhoo…The realness you brought was sweeeeeeet. Sort of like a very sweet chocolate fondue only much much less sweet and much much less tasty and not actually edible now that I think about it. WHERE IS MY CHOCOLATE FONDUE!!!
