Happy Anniversary, Lori Paley

to my wife

12 years ago today, in Penticton, British Columbia, I married Lori (she will claim that she did the marrying — so competitive), the single best decision I have ever made (with the distant second being buying the glasses I’m wearing right now as it would be super blurry and dangerous without them though with significantly more suspense and the third, not eating all I could eat Cheese Whiz despite my desire to show those 6 year old boys next door who was the King).

It is amazing to me that it’s been 12 years already, but that’s not saying much as my sensation of the passage of time has caused some local doctors to say “ummm….okay”. So much has happened, but I still feel as strongly about her as a wife, a mother, a human and a multi-celled organism (in that order) as I did the day I met her. She is one of the most beautiful people around who have not yet been brainwashed.

At the risk of sounding cliched (though when has that ever stopped me before), it has been an amazing twelve years full of high-speed car chases, deciphering cryptic messages, forging for food, burying the evidence and considering the pros and cons of internet fraud. We have thrown frisbees, hit tennis balls, considered domesticating raccoons and made our own falafel. We used to finish each other’s sentences before “the disaster” that made us rethink the need for sentences in the first place. Some days we only communicate via soap bubbles.

But seriously, it has been 12 years of unrelenting, wall-to-wall, non-stop-thrill-ride of wedded bliss aside from 5 minutes during November of 2011 because we were both a little exhausted — bliss takes some effort people — it’s not all fun and games and firecrackers in whipped cream, though it is that too.

Aside from giving me a shoulder to both cry and lean on (multi-purpose shoulders, guys!), she has given me a kid, followed by a second kid (which did make me start to wonder where the kid pipeline was located and if fracking was used), a cat or two (which seemed like such a romantic gift until I realized that I was hyper-allergic and then I had to start wondering if she was a mole), candy (after she was no longer a stranger) and a series of pre-K colouring books that I attempted to not be offended by and then…????

Oh right, joy and happiness and bubble wrap and a lifetime’s supply of dental floss as well as protection from wild animals when she isn’t busy brushing her teeth or painting her nails or painting on me when I’m passed out on the couch or mixing poisonous chemicals to keep me on my toes or ducking depending on where the chemicals are at the moment.

If I could do it again, I would, but only if given the opportunity to mix up the order of the events to make it confusing for all.

I love you Lori, thanks for an awesome 12 years!