In Trouble

“So I guess we are in trouble?”

“You guess?!?! We are sitting outside the principal’s office, quite obviously in trouble as we were called out of class in front of the whole class, and you only guess we are in trouble? Remind me not to rely on your expertise when making plans that may or may not get us in trouble in the future.”

“Well, it was probably because of you we got caught as you just had to pose for some photos with your perfectly coiffed hair instead of getting out of there as fast as we could.”

“I’m sure no one saw us. How do you think she found out?”

“Dan must have told on us.”

“Man, that Dan! On one hand he wants to be trusted and on the other he is such an obvious snitch! And I can’t believe he actually has those things written on his hands!”

“Do you think we should come clean and just own up to what we did?”

“That’s one approach, but I’m wondering if we should wait and see what she says first.”

“Let’s say she is refusing to talk first and just sits there either attempting to bore holes in our heads, or reading our minds and making faces seeing if she can make us laugh?”

“She can’t break me! I am unbreakable or least mostly unbreakable due to all of that extra calcium my mother always made me ingest as a baby. My mother was nuts about calcium! I’m glad she is finally getting the help she needs.”

“I think we should get our story straight.”

“Do you? Well I happen to come from the school of thought were we should avoid straight stories somewhat-like-but-not-actually-at-all-like-the-plague-as-the-plague-was-lethal-and-straight-stories-are-just-boring.”

“I need to know if we are together on this.”

“Of course we are! You are like my brother and the pact we made and signed in triplicate means everything to me. I never sign anything in triplicate if I think that duplicate would suffice as it would save paper for the next time and it also demonstrates to you that I am your partner in this and won’t sell you out.”

“That’s a relief as I did have a nightmare where you did sell me out and then you tried to literally sell me to the highest bidder which, fortunately, were my parents who thankfully decided not to be cheap for a change.”

“And your parents are notoriously cheap.”

“Okay, here is the plan. Are you listening?”

“Not only am I listening, but I’ll raise your “are you listening” and give you an “I’m all ears” which is clearly a figure of speech as only a small fraction of surface area are ears.”

“I’ll volunteer to go in first and use my keen observational skills to sense any defects in the drywall just in case she is looking to hire someone and I can get my brother some work as he needs the cash. Second, I will attempt to butter her up, although that may backfire if she is not okay with margarine as butter is just a bit too pricey these days.”

“Okay, great. Then after you tell her your story, she will probably call me in and then what? Let’s say we tell her contradictory versions of the events and she is not a big fan of contradictory retelling of early activities.”

“I was getting to that! Can you calm down and let me finish? Not too calm, just slightly calmer, as I need to have you a little bit on edge for this to work.”

“Got it.”

“We are going to pin this entire thing on Dan.”

“We are going to use pins and attach it to Dan? I don’t follow.”

“No! We are not going to actually use pins! Those pins we took the bus downtown for on the weekend need to be reserved for any sewing projects my mom may start in the next while. I was talking about blaming Dan for the whole thing.”

“Oh…but we think he was the one who told on us. Then it would be his word against ours and I’m fairly certain his word, or most likely, words were longer and more eloquent and easier on the ears than ours will be. Do you really think the principal will believe us?”

“We will make her believe us! I was once told that it is the truth if you believe it to be the truth and that has always worked for me aside from the time I tried to believe the liver on my plate was fried chicken.”

“Okay, I’m in.”

“Good, I knew I could count on you.”

“Looks like it is my turn. Remember, Dan put us up to this. We tried to say no and convince him to just play on the slide as it allows you to sit down and enjoy a good ride which he looked like he was in the mood for, but he was having nothing of that slide. He essentially twisted our arms which was actually quite the feat, to twist all four of our collective arms at the same time.”

“I got it. Don’t worry.”

“What do you want to do later?”

“Come over to my house to play some videogames? Maybe stay for dinner?”

“I do like houses and videogames and dinner especially when they are in close proximity to each other and only a short walk from where I am at the moment I am thinking about them. Sounds like a plan.”

“Good luck in there.”

“I’ve got this.”

“I know you do, but, I just want to remind you what a great friend you are and how if I had to get caught doing something we both should have known better not to do but were somehow still pulled towards as if by an invisible force, I’m glad it was with you.”

“Thanks buddy. I know it may sound weird, but I will always be up for being pulled by forces, both visual and invisible and both real and imagined with you for as long as our parents and the authorities allow us to.”

“I’d hug you if I was farther along in my work towards being comfortable hugging in public or inside government-owned buildings like this school.”

“It’s okay. I am happy to wait until the day when you feel comfortable to hug me. Not that I want you to, as I personally don’t like hugs. All I’m saying is I’m happy to wait until the day when you do feel comfortable and I’m planning on treating you to an ice cream.”

“Oh. There is the principal in the hall coming our way. She doesn’t look happy.”

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