Feb 13, 2018
K-Fresh
a dating profile
Yo!
What’s up ladies?!?
K-Fresh is in the house! And if things go right ‘tween the two of us, I am willing to get on up and leave the house and meet you outside of these walls.
My walls are dope! If you see them, you’ll be all like “what the f is going on with those walls?!?!?!” and I’ll just be standing there, nodding my head to a silent beat, eating crackers.
Damn! I loves me some crackers!
What is up with K-Fresh you may be saying? I ask that question too! We have like so much deep stuff in common. Are you my moms?
I am all about the things in life that are round — basketballs, the sun, my plate that I put food on.
That’s about it. I hate square things! Square things made Pops lose his job at the plastic factory.
I also dig on my beats. Man — I could go for some beats right about now! Yo! Karl — where my beats at? They went out? What? They can do that? I respect my beats even more than before.
Karl is my roomie. Don’t worry ‘bout Karl. He cool. Really cool. I’m sort of worried about him. He is always cool.
I love to get my snack on and my drink on and my clothes on. Usually in that order. Clothes stay cleaner that way.
When I’m out, I hit the gym. I also go in the gym and hit the weights. Then I use them. With my hands. After I hit the showers. People tell me I should stop hitting things.
You must know this about K-Fresh — I’m always bouncin’! At the club, out of the club, on a trampoline, on the streets near my house when we just can’t decide whether to go to the club or not. When stuff is going down, I’ll be all like bouncin’ all up out of there, unless I’m tired then I will walk. I walk with the best of them, when they are free.
What are you like? You must have hair! I can’t say that enough! I love a girl with hair all over her head. Like when I walk in the room, I want a woman who turns and her hairs is just flying all over the place. Like it is raining!
I loves me some teeth. White ones. Shiny. In your mouth. Chewing meat and occasionally some carrots.
You must like meat and carrots.
K-Fresh loves to laugh. Are you funny? Better be! Make me laugh now! What did you say Karl? She’s not here right now? I’m talking to the computer? Damn! And I was just starting to like her too, even without hair and teeth. Got you! Don’t worry ‘bout me — just being funny. You laughin’? Who laughing then?
You best be chill. I’d love us to relax all over my crib. Watch some movies, butcher some meat, glaze some pottery, chill. Things can get hot after. Yeah. I love when it gets hot. I’ll be turning the heat up all over the place. It will get hot — no doubt! I’ve got baseboard heaters, space heaters and hot water bottles and they are all hot all of the time, just like me. I gotta see the doctor for that.
I’m not all about looks. I wants you to be smart. But, a man has to use his eyes too — I have no choice! But, after my eyes have a turn, my brain needs some action. You know what I’m sayin? You best be talkin’ all smart and stuff. And look fine. But smart too. And hot. With brains. Pretty. Smart. Aiight?
What do I do? Do I work? Damn! Are you my moms?
Look I am ‘tween jobs right now. I did work. I will work again. I just need to find the best place for my talents. I want to take my talents somewhere! Is that too much to ask? Do you hear what I’m sayin’? Not you, Karl! I have done lots of stuff -stock shelves, solve problems, hire and fire, paint things — often not even for money and sometimes even after they asked me to leave and had to call security.
Should you work? I mean why not? But it’s coo. Either way. I’m not all about putting you in a box.
Actually, I’m not about that at all. I don’t even own a box. I did. But he got up in my face, so I done folded him. He thought he was better than me. I folded him good. I miss him sometimes.
I am not desperate. But, I’d love to find love. K-Fresh needs a partner in crime. Don’t worry — not actual crime. I think that’s called something… Anyways K-Fresh is all about the good times. K-Fresh is all about being one of two in a relationship. K-Fresh is the one you want.
One day, I want to be king. Will you be my queen?
Out!
