My Speech to the Grads of 2018
And yes, this is the actual speech, in case you were wondering
So, a few weeks ago, I sat down at the computer to start writing this speech and something strange happened.
I was at a loss for words.
I didn’t know how to start.
How best to summarize and explain all that is going on in my head about all of you and this time we’ve all shared together without coming across as too emotional or too unhinged or too cliched?
Or maybe I should just give in and be totally emotionally unhinged and cliched — it’s the reason my wife loves me.
My first draft was a speech that was quite traditional full of over-used lines such as “follow your dreams”, “embrace opportunity”, “stop and smell lots of roses along the way unless allergic” — and it was totally boring. After spending a long time rehearsing in front of the bathroom mirror (my kids started to worry when I started winking at my reflection too much), I decided that I couldn’t read a boring, cookie-cutter-type speech — it just isn’t me — so I tried to add in a bit of Paley-esque humour while still maintaining the aspects that a counsellor speech at Prom is legally required to have.
Anyways, here goes…and, heads up, there is a good chance I might get choked up.
Try not to judge me.
On the other hand, I’m totally fine with pity.
So, here we are, Prom. Just a warning, this is a little long, but there is so much I want to say to all of you, to try to commemorate everything, and it is the final chance I get to speak to all of you together.
Students often ask me what I like and don’t like about my job. And, despite my love of whining, there are only three things I don’t particularly like about being a counsellor — (1) the sheer number of course change requests students have in September — you know what I’m talking about — students who want to change courses are like relentless bloodthirsty wild animals, never leaving me alone until they have what they want — I’ve been followed to the washroom, been offered money, got Facebook calls on my cell phone and had students waiting at my car, in the dark, when it’s raining — that’s not creepy at all, (2) trying to support a student through a tough situation, like at home, that is beyond my ability to change and (3) saying goodbye.
Saying goodbye has always been so hard for me.
I still remember the grade 5/6 class I worked with when I was a student teacher back in 1996 and how sad it was to say goodbye to them and I was worried that I’d never ever meet a fun, appreciative group of kids again. But, as the years have gone on, and students have come and gone, I did again and again, always worrying that it wouldn’t be as fun or special or rewarding, but it always was.
And then there was all of you — the grads of 2018.
You have been awesome. I have been so lucky.
I have completely enjoyed the personalities, the challenges, the funny moments and the tears (I mean I haven’t enjoyed the tears as that would make me sound cruel, but you know what I mean) and everything in between. It’s been quite a ride.
When we first met, I had just said goodbye to my previous group and I was an emotional mess. How could I ever forget about them? And I remember thinking how much I missed their friendly faces in the halls and the students hanging around my office. The previous June had been so busy and now it was so eerily quiet. And I stood there, looking around the grade 9 breakfast at the sea of unknown faces — all of you — in front of me thinking “can I really connect with them?” and “I hope they like me” because a huge part of my enjoyment of my work is the friendly connection I have with students. I couldn’t do this if I didn’t have that.
At that assembly I told a few stories, talked about setting goals, getting involved and listed off a bunch of my previous funny nicknames (T Pizzle, T Pain, Jiffy Pop, Lamb Chop to name a few) and off we went.
Grade 9 was full of friendship drama, struggles in math class and the discovery of skipping. A few of you came down those first few weeks to meet this new, strange counsellor and, things must have gone well, because slowly but surely more and more of you came for help. Looking around this room, I feel like I’ve had real meaningful conversations with most of you and really got to know you not just as students, but as people- laughing with you when times were good and supporting you and helping you when times were tough. Wanting so badly to see you succeed, and being there when they didn’t.
Fast forward to grade 12 — I have really enjoyed this emotional rollercoaster of a year. I love that students just pop in to say hi and hang out (even when it’s mostly an excuse to miss class) — I love when students just come by and ask questions and chat about things and treat me like a friend. I was able to be loose and funny with you — it will be so different with younger students next year. I have wondered a bit about what I did to get you from being too shy to talk to me or scared of the counselling suite to where we are now. Was it mind-control? Did it come out of absolute boredom? Did you think I had candy? Was it because I looked like I was interested in what you had to say? Wait a second- that one. That’s the answer!
So many of you have shared confidential aspects of your lives and your feelings and your personal secrets with me because you trust me. I have not taken that trust for granted for a second — it is so deeply meaningful to me. Each and every time someone says “can I talk to you?” and we close the door to my office, I know how tough that can be and how much courage it takes to share personal stuff with someone. I too have seen a counsellor in life a few times. I know how hard it is to open up to someone new especially when you are 13 or 14 and maybe have a built-in mistrust of adults, especially those with glasses, freckles and curly hair. The fact that you trusted me again and again and again means the world. Just to clear up a rumour — when I dyed my hair this year I was not going through a midlife crisis — I just like dying my hair! My mid-life crisis is scheduled for next year.
The trust, the relationships and seeing you grow, change and mature from kids to adults are by far the three best things about my job.
It’s honestly so hard to see you all go.
I’m so excited — envious even, of where you are in your lives right now. I distinctly remember being where you are now and feeling jittery, a little scared of the enormity of it all, but ready. You are at such an amazing crossroad — on the cusp of adulthood, school finally over, your options for what happens next are infinite, or, for those astrophysicists out there, not infinite. I know that so much great stuff is coming around the corner for all of you as you gain confidence and find your direction.
But, it also is a time where you are saying goodbye to all of this — teachers, clubs, teams, friends, and me.
Thanks a lot. Yes, that was meant to be sarcastic.
I hope you feel like I helped and supported you. I certainly tried. What with the long conversations in my office, all of the emails, the behind the scenes stuff and the countless Facebook messages — I check my phone in the morning and there are often 10 to 12 new messages waiting for me — made me really popular and I needed that for my massive ego.
I envy you and not just because of your clothes, your social networking savvy and your youth. You are at, what I think, is the most exciting time of your life and also one of the most stressful — you are about to enter the real world. All of sudden you are going from having one choice, school, to having unlimited choices about school, what school, what program, travelling, work etc etc. Choice is awesome but it can also make you worry about making the correct choice. I remember how exciting it was to start post-secondary and to start working longer hours to save up for a backpacking trip in Europe. I remember moving out of my parents home and having more freedom. I remember thinking “woah, I’m an adult now” and “damn, now that’s an afro!” Seriously, it was this big (show with arms).
Try not to be consumed by worrying about making the right choices — live in the moment, work hard and be a good person and I have always believed that everything will work out in the end. I know I’ve said this to many of you, but the Plan Bs in life- when something doesn’t initially go your way- end up being amazing. The Plan Bs for me were after I was deflated by not getting something I wanted — a program at school, a job, a relationship and while it sucked not getting those things, I got back up and kept being a good person and who worked hard. I believe if you give something your all, you will succeed.
And, instead of thinking too far ahead, just enjoy having graduated! Think back to grade 8 and way back to elementary and all of the late nights and early mornings and projects and studying for tests and teachers and report cards and your parents getting you to school and look where you are now. You should feel really proud of yourself — it is a long, hard trip and you did it!
I just can’t wait to see and hear what you all do next and in the future. Who will get married? Who will travel? Who will become a nurse, a teacher, an engineer, a chef, a TV star? Who will do something that no one here could predict? Who will make a million dollars and share a very reasonable 15% with their good ol’ school counsellor? Who will make choices that lead directly towards their own happiness and personal satisfaction?
The next few years is all about finding and figuring yourself out — for school, for career, for relationships. Truly determining your strengths and weaknesses, the things you like and don’t like, deciding where you want to go and who you want to be with along the way and then doing what it takes to make sure it all happens. You all have the power to make it happen. The challenge, if you want to except it, is to keep searching for your passions in life — what truly makes you excited and don’t settle for something you don’t love or enjoy.
Everything you do next should either be something truly great, something you need to do to get to where you want to go or, ideally, both. If at some point in the future you find yourself hating what you are doing or feeling bored or stuck or in a situation that just isn’t you and that thing isn’t a necessary stepping stone, then stop.
You all have the power and ability to find a life that is fulfilling and fun and that doesn’t involve too many compromises. One of the things I’m most grateful for, is that I get up each day, and look forward to going to work. Sure, I’d rather be with my family or cooking or writing or throwing a frisbee, but, as far as a job goes, I really like what I do. That only happened because I made it happen. You can to, in fact, you must.
That’s your goal and lots and lots of adults don’t have that. So many adults are unhappy or unfulfilled both in career choices and relationships. All the time I bump into ex-students from Killarney or one of my Gladstone grads and sometimes it is clear things aren’t going the way they want and they feel stuck. They could have made a change at some point, but they didn’t. It’s not easy to stop. But, it is so important. Just because you start down a certain path doesn’t mean you have to stay on that path. I switched paths many times and only by experiencing some wrong paths did I find the right one.
I really want all of you to be happy and successful in the future. Be relentless, don’t give up, don’t compromise. Get off the path that is leading somewhere you don’t want to go and do something about it. If at any point in the next few years you find yourself hating or being bored with what you are doing, then stop! If at any point you aren’t working towards something you are passionate about and excited to do — stop! Just because your family or friends or someone else thinks something is right for you, doesn’t mean it is. Just because it pays well, if your heart isn’t in it, you won’t be satisfied.
Find the thing that makes you excited to jump out of bed and start the day.
Find the thing that makes you proud of what you are accomplishing.
Find a way to make a difference.
Fulfill your destiny, young grasshoppers.
My hope for all of you is that when I see you in the future that you are pumped about what is going on (just not too pumped, or I may run away like a frightened cat) or that you have a plan to work towards something exciting.
Don’t settle!
I want to thank you for all you’ve done for me.
I can’t state strongly enough how much it has meant to me to work with all of you — I don’t just show up to work and do my work and go home (actually, I do that BUT that’s not the point — I mean, of course I go home) — this has always been all about you, the students. You have been my #1 priority and I really care about each of you as people and human beings.
Whether you were someone I saw almost every day, someone I chatted with once in a while or a friendly face in the hallway who smiled and waved when our paths crossed, I appreciate all of you — you brightened up my day and made the last four years, four years I will always remember fondly.
I must thank you for helping me stay young with all of the expressions. Let me see if I got it — “I am low key feeling extra af and am both woke and shook.”
I’ll always remember the memes and the gifs.
I’ll always remember all of you.
Come on Paley, keep it together, you’re almost there.
Don’t worry, I’ll be okay. Sort of. Quit smiling — I’m in pain up here.
My hope when I first met you was to help support you to the end of grade 12. And here we are. But, in my mind, it doesn’t end now. As I said in my card I will always be your counsellor. That isn’t meant to sound scary! Don’t leave now! I promise I will not stalk you…much. So, whether you ever talked to me in the past 5 years or whether you saw me all the time, I will always be there to help you whether it is over the summer, next year or in 10 years. I really really mean that and I’m not just saying it and sometimes I do just say things. Last week I did it a few times. I am your counsellor and, if you’ll have me, your friend and I will always be interested in what is happening with you and free to help. You all have ways to reach me and I will be happy to listen.
I’m filled with mixed emotions standing up here right now. I wish I was consulted about you all graduating — I may have said no. Let’s do another 5 years! Who’s in? But seriously, I feel a mixture of pride, happiness and a bit of sadness. Sort of like a combination between a parent, a friend and a cheerleader when the game is over and everyone has gone home. Honestly, I’ve been thinking about this moment since the middle of grade 10 and while I couldn’t wait to see you cross the stage (I have been getting goosebumps thinking about it for a long time now. While we are on the subject, do geese get goosebumps? I hope so, for their sakes), I’ve also just wanted time to slow down and almost stop. I feel like this with my own kids all the time too and I know many of you have felt this way about this year as well.
There has been a lot of unspoken stress and unease recently as the end drew near. You won’t just see all of your friends every day any more. You won’t be in a school where a whole bunch of adults really care about you again. No more lunch times at the lockers, dance shows, sporting events, and, of course, the science labs. I have seen so many friendships drift apart when people have left school. Friendships will require more work once you are not at Gladstone any longer and if you care about your friends, don’t let that happen!
While this is a super exciting time for all of you, it is also so tough to say goodbye and to leave a place you have spent so much valuable time. I have not been looking forward to saying goodbye and while I hope many of you will either visit or send me messages, this is the last time that we will all be together and that is tough. This is both a celebration and a farewell.
I will really miss all of you, but it does feel sort of like having a whole bunch of you breaking up with me all at the same time and sort of enjoying it. Almost like you are celebrating while doing it and laughing “ha ha, see you later Paley, we outta here.” Actually maybe I won’t miss you. How does that feel?
I wish you all the best, you know how to find me. Thank you again for trusting me and making me laugh and for making me feel so appreciated every day — thank you for everything!
Enjoy the party and congrats on graduating!
