Now You Has Jazz
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Now You Has Jazz

Obscure Reasons I Love My Wife

To My Wife, On Her Birthday

  1. You often text “‘lol”, but unlike all of those losers out there who silently laugh or sniff or simply smile, many times, I have personally witnessed you have the audacity to actually and boldly laugh out loud. You are the real hero.
  2. How you talk to other drivers when you drive. I know you think I don’t like this, but I do! Honestly. It’s actually quite funny. Sure, when we first met, you sort of freaked me out — not your driving, you are very safe — with your banter and comments and questions like “you know you have to stop!” to the people we share the road with. You say the things we all are thinking that we wish we had the courage to say aloud. I’d miss it if you stopped.
  3. That you often ramble on about ultimate statistics or NBA players or other mostly useless sports things…wait a second, what’s that you say, that’s me who rambles on about sports and it’s you who is incredibly tolerant and patient and listens without yawning, leaving the room when I’m not looking or tasering me. Well, if that’s true, then thanks!
  4. When you proclaim “I’ll be here all week.” Yes, it’s often said as part of a joke or unhelpful comment, but considering how many times I was rejected in my earlier life, any amount of security is appreciated.
  5. The way such a wide variety of shows on TV make you tear up — dramas, romantic comedies, newscasts, home improvement shows (should I go on? “No” said Grace who is sitting beside me). It’s sweet and beautiful, plus it makes for great photos that I have submitted to no fewer than 7 tasteful periodicals.
  6. Your ability to focus is unparalleled. When you are into something, the world around you disappears. I could be asking you a question or the house could be on fire and you are singularly focussed on your task. It’s both exciting and scary.
  7. When you try to hard to fight off sleep while we are watching a TV show. It’s a battle you will lose, but you don’t lose it without a fight.
  8. Your love of oatmeal. Why do I like this? Hey, no one told me I was on trial here!
  9. How you have checked on the girls before going to bed every night since they were born (except the very few times you were away). It’s so sweet.
  10. Maintaining such a positive mindset so much of the time even when you are operating on very little sleep or life is throwing some challenges your way or we are in the midst of the 47th consecutive day of rain.
  11. Just how passionate you are about teaching Chemistry. Seriously, you like teaching much more than I ever did. It’s inspiring. And I’m excited that you became a teacher so you can share this love with your students.
  12. The way you close your eyes and smile when enjoying the first sip of coffee and then keep your eyes open for all remaining sips (just safer that way).
  13. Encouraging me to dress well and get rid of old clothes that I would never get rid of without your help (threats?). Though I resist this, I do appreciate your never-ending (somewhat impossible) quest to make me look good.
  14. The way you can sneak out of our room on weekend mornings for early yoga classes without waking me or the kids up. The fact that you can do this means you could be a spy or you could chloroform me and then burn my old ultimate jerseys I keep under the bed for no good reason whatsoever. What am I saying here? I love that you let me sleep? Or that you can be so quiet? That, if this whole teaching thing doesn’t pan out, you could pick up some espionage work on the side? That you don’t use chloroform even on those nights when I snore loudly? Yes, I am saying all those things.
  15. How hard-working you are. For those who haven’t been fortunate enough to see this first hand, you are a robot or a machine (without, to be clear, looking at all like one). I’ve never met someone who can work as long or as hard as you do on a project or school work. If only they gave prizes for the hardest working, like large cash prizes that you’d be forced to share with your husband.
  16. Your collection of scarves. They are very nice. Make you look good. Sometimes when you are out, I briefly consider removing much of my clothes, putting on some music and performing an interpretative dance featuring these very same scarves.
  17. The way you often put your head on my shoulder (it’s easy because you are tall and I am not tall) as if to say “my neck is tired” or “let’s briefly touch scalps” or “I love you.” Well, sweetie, I love you too.

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Tommy Paley

I write creative non-fiction, humorous and random short stories, unique and tasty recipes and fiction involving odd and funny relationships. I also love cheese.